Happy Holidays

For all you chums out there, like me, who get down in the dumps over your aches and pains, here's a tribute to you. Enjoy.

Seattle City Champs - 2006

What a great season. We went undefeated (10-0) and won the Seattle Metro Championship. Some freaky stats for this season:

- In 5 out of our 10 games we shut out the other team in the 2nd half.
- We only punted 4 times the entire season (2 in the championship game)
- I think we threw 0 interceptions (not 100% sure about this one but can't recall any)

Unfortunately our good season may get us kicked out of the league next season since other teams complained that our team is stacked with ex pros even though this isn't really true. Although, everyone except 3 or 4 guys did play in college with a couple of guys that played baseball in college instead.

See more pics from this season in my Football Album.

Monkey Love

Remember my earlier post about being a Monkey?

My Definition of Concentration

You run a drag across the middle,
The ball is a bit too high and bit too late
You throttle down, leap, and twist to make the catch,
you hear footsteps,
when you wake up,
they tell you that you held on

My Favorite Minute of the week

Lately, my Saturday morning routine has consisted of taking Max to the gym with me while Jen takes Riley to swim lessons. I'm not sure it's because he's with me or the fact that Riley's not there but every time I drop Max off at the gym daycare he gets real sad and quiet. He doesn't move and when I try to get him to play with some toys he just grabs and holds on to my leg. I squat down and begin to play with the toys to get him involved but he just hugs me and burries his face in my neck. I look forward to these 60 seconds every week.

Superbowl Flashback

Watching the Bengals get raped on that terrible "roughing the passer" call reminded me of last years superbowl officiating fiasco. The owners must really be stressing QB protection to the refs bacause this is the 2nd time this season that a bullshit call like this has changed the outcome of the game. How can you call roughing the passer on a Sack? And a relatively mild one at that. Judge for yourself.

Sleepin' at the wheel and takin' it up the caboose

A while ago, a buddy of mine sent a few of this friends (author included) a link to this article by Mort Zuckerman about the decline of leadership in America. It pondered the question of why America is failing to produce decent political leaders despite the vast intellectual tallents of her citizens. I replied with my own worthless 2 cents and asked another buddy (henceforth referred to as "The Rev") what he thought about the topic.

His response was pretty deep and thought provoking so I decided to document it below.

==============================================================

Ardi,

My thoughts are:

1. We have no great leaders today because corporations and special interest groups have bought and sold essentially every politician in Congress, and of any stature in the executive branch. It's not that politicians are less idealistic today than 100 or 200 years ago, it's that corporations and special interest groups are now extremely efficient and very competitive about buying off any available figure in power. The only difference is that 50 or 100 or 200 years ago, there weren't enough corporations and special interest groups around with enough "soft money" to buy off anyone with power. If you are head of the FDA one year, you are on the Board of Pfizer the next. If you are Deputy Secretary of Defense one year, you are on the Board of Boeing the next. That is how things are done in Washington and absent laws that prevent these conflicts of interest this will only intensify. Because the people who make laws to prevent these sort o f conflicts of interest are the ones who benefit by these arrangements, they have no incentives to enact such laws.

2. "Democracy, liberty and freedom." First off, we're not a democracy and never have been. A democracy means a government run by all voting age citizens--participating and making important decisions. The closest, and probably only time, the planet came close to a democracy was fifth-century B.C. Athens when 10% of the adults participated in a "democracy". Technically speaking, our government is an aristocratic (or plutocratic) republic. (note: aristocratic means government by the best or elite, not government by nobility; plutocratic means government by the rich). We're a bit like ancient Rome with TV. Maybe this isn't a bad thing, because as Plato and Edmund Burke both famously pointed out, letting a bunch of uneducated, illogical, easily swayed mobs decide how to run the country might not be the best idea, c.f. The Jerry Springer Show. Even one of the great champions of modern d emocratic ideals, Winston Churchill, said, "Democracy is the worst possible form of government known to man--except for all the others." "Liberty" is a nice catchphrase as well, but "liberty" to do what? Uncoupled from responsibility it means a license to cause whatever harm you like. Ditto for "freedom".

Now in saying this, I'm not bashing America. Our constitution is still a model for the world, and I don't believe any country, in any age, has ever premised its foundation on a plan as fair and comprehensive as ours. But...

3. ...when we talk about "American values", I don't think this has much meaning. It's like saying we have "an awesome vibe" or "great feelings" or "something terrific". "American values" is not a tangible and measurable thing nor does it refer to something tangible and measurable. It's very easy for a politician or partisan pundit or journalist to bandy about the phrase "American values" without ever saying anything of substance. I don't think anyone can make a good argument though that the roughly 10,000 Iraqi civilians that we have killed due to "collateral damage" is a good way to export "American values."

What we ought to be exporting instead is our legal system and our economic system. While free market capitalism has its own shortcomings and inequities, its a hell of a lot better than living in a country with no political rights, no jobs, and a lack of basic necessities.

Of course, exporting our legal system and economic system to other countries--which would improve the lives of the people there--and give them a taste of why Americans think and act in certian ways, i.e. imparting our "values"--does not give us special access to a country's resources, which leads me to...

4. Fact: The value of Dick Cheney's stock options in Halliburton have increased between $10 and $20 million since 2003 as a direct result of the Iraq War. Fact: Cheney proposed invading Iraq the night of the 9/11 attacks. Fact: All CIA intelligence presented to the President supporting or not supporting a war in Iraq was ordered in 2002 to be vetted through the Office of the Vice President first, a role the Vice President had never been involved in during the previous 200+ years of U.S. History. Fact: Halliburton was awarded contracts to rebuild infrastructure in Iraq without having to submit to the standard bidding process. Fact: Halliburton has overbilled the US government and American taxpayers to the tune of over $10 million since 2003. Fact: Halliburton was recently awarded an expanded (again, no bid contract) despite this fraud. Fact: On Spetmeber 2 3, 2003, Cheney said on NBC TV's Meet The Press, "I've severed all my ties with the company, gotten rid of all my financial interest. I have no financial interest in Halliburton of any kind and haven't had, now, for over three years." Fact: At the time he said this, he had stock options in Halliburton worth $8 million.
Are we really in Iraq in order to export "American values"? I don't think so. Where can you find the startling "secret" facts listed above? The 9/11 Commission Report and various reports from the Government Accounting Office. Are most Americans completely asleep at the switch? Yes.

5. Am I surprised most American are totally asleep at the switch? No. In the past ten years, the FCC has done away with conflict of interest regulations that for decades maintained a somehwat independent news media in this country. This was done under the leadership of FCC Chairman Michael Powell. Perphaps you've heard of his father?--guy by the name of Colin. Instead of hundreds of competing news sources in this country--which we had growing up in the 70's and 80's, we now have a situation where 90% of TV, film and radio and 50% of newspapers are controlled by six large media conglomerates. Of these six large conglomerates, the CEO's of three have created and funded right-wing think tanks. One of these parent corporations also happens to be one of the military's largest suppliers--GE/Westinghouse.

6. So yeah, you can probably gather I am gravely disappointed with US foreign policy over the past several years as well as with rampant corruption in our government, and I think most journalists write what their bosses tell them to write or go hungry. However, the fault probably does not lie entirely with government officials. Plato said in The Republic that there can be no just political order without just citizens. Yet, today citizens of liberal democracies worldwide are much more concerned with how their government functions than the private vices of the citizens within them. Likewise, modern citizens are much more comfortable talking about rights than duties. Put another way, one might say that we are much more concerned with the rights of people, than the capacities of the people with those rights. So when we talk about "American values" it is probably worth questioning what that phrase means. Does it mean the political rights enshrined in our Constitution or does it mean the collective ethical strength (or weakness) of the nation as a whole. Quite simply, are we as ethically honest and willing to sacrifice for the common good as we were 30 or 60 or 90 years ago? If the answer is "no", then we have to collectively question how we can, as a nation, export American notions of fundamental political rights when we have shrugged off the duties to our neighbors and community that accompany those rights. For example, we hold dear the notion of freedom of speech, but 30 or 60 or 90 years ago, almost no one would have driven down the street with a car stereo cranked up wailing, "F*** tha' Police!" Today, most people shrug and say that this is protected speech, and like it or not, we should be tolerant of it even if we don't like it. 30 or 60 or 90 years ago, however, the debate would have instead centered not on rights, but on duties...is it responsible to drive down the street doing this? Answer=no--it' s loud and offensive to others who live around you and thus you shouldn't do it, even if you have a right to. Our culture has shifted from one of a balance between rights and duties to one of a bold assertion of rights. So, when people around the world question "American values" perhaps their criticisms are not entirely without merit. If we are talking about exporting our values, then aren't we talking about exporting the whole package, not just the best parts?

7. About 50 years ago our country went down a dangerous path (the Red Scare), so did a country in central Europe about 70 years ago, and so has our country today. In each case, a country was stirred to action by fear of pollution by degenerates from both inside and outside the country, in each case the people were given a message of apocalyptic transformation of their supposedly endangered nation through military action and national solidarity and through leadership that was authoritative and unchallengeable. In each case, rights were taken away from the people and the country was steered down a path that benefitted those in power rather than the people. These regimes occurred not because people didn't think, but precisely because people did think, albeit in an environment that was poisoned by the wrong ideas, ideas that may not have even impacted much of the population on a conscious level initially.

It's part of our human tribal instinct to retreat in situations of fear and seek the protection of those with power, even if that means giving up much that is precious to us to those who wield power. Of course, the sharing of power, and the maintenance of basic human rights is what our Constitution was supposed to establish and protect. Here's to hoping that it still serves that need...

This journalist can talk all he wants about liberty, freedom, equality, and the rule of law but those terms don't mean jack unless they actually describe conditions that exist in our country and are reflected in our behavior towards the rest of the world. And when a journalist writing in 2006, places Washington and Lincoln on a pedestal above current leaders he needs to go back and do a little reading on history. Washington was a staunch loyalist who only flipped sides when the British refused him a commission as a regimental commander in the British Army. In 1776, the year we signed the Declaration of Independence, he kicked all blacks out of the Continental Army and sent them back to slave holders. He was a second-rate general and he almost lost the war in 1776-77 due to his poor strategies. These are not facts they like to stress in the history books. Lincoln came round to the emancipation proclamation o nly after four years of war and only when it became strategically convenient. Before that, the War had been a conflict between northern industrial interests and southern agricultural interests.

(P.S. One thing the author has half correct. We are the most generous country on Earth. We have given literally trillions of dollars in foreign aid over the last few decades. What most people don't realize however, is that the majority of this aid has been in the form of discounted arms sales. Maybe I'm cycnical, but perhaps this isn't the "gift to the world" we want to be our legacy.)

The Pain of the Game

I was starting to forget how violent, beautiful, & fun this game can be. Don't worry, the hits don't hurt as bad as they look. I think the most painful moment in this game is when you realize you can't play anymore.

Turn up your sound.

Smiley Face

But what did you do?
What did you say?
Did you walk or did you run away?
Where are you now?
Where have you been?
Did you come alone or did you bring a friend?

I need to know this
cause I noticed
you're smiling
Out in the sun,
having fun
and feeling free

And I can tell you know how hard this life can be
But you keep on smiling for me

What went right?
What went wrong?
Was it a story or was it a song?
Was it overnight or did it take you long?
Was knowing your weakness what made you strong?

Or all the above, oh how I love to see you smiling
And oh yeah, take a little pain just in case
You need something warm to embrace
To help you put on a smiling face

Dont you go off into the new day with any doubt
Here's a summary of something that you could smile about
Say for instance my girlfiend, she bugs me all the time
But the irony of it all is that she loves me all the time

I want to be you whenever I see you smiling
Because its easily one of the hardest things to do
Your worries and fears become your friends
And they end up smiling at you

Put on a smiley face

- Ceelo

I could go on and on and on ...

Basically I'm complicated
I have a hard time taking the easy way
I wouldn't call it schizophrenia
But I'll be at least 2 people today

If that's okay

And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?

It's deep how you can be so shallow
And I'm afraid cause I have no fear
And I didn't believe in magic
Until I watched you disappear

I wish you where here

And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?

You see, everybody is somebody
But nobody wants to be themselves
and If I ever wanted to understand me
I'd have to talk to someone else

Cause every little bit helps

And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?

Feels like
the surreal life
But it's still nice
Wish I could live twice
but I still might
if these bones heal right
I see a little light
though it's still night

And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?

- Ceelo

On the political tip

Too bad somalia doesn't have have oil. Otherwise, the poor people of Somalia would have been worthy of liberation too. Just like the poor citizens or Iraq.

Clinton is on crack. Asking oil companies to contribute funds to alternative energy research is like asking right wing bible beaters to contribute funds for new abortion clinics.

Dubyah's puppy bites back. Apparenty he can't even set up a puppet government correctly.

We're no better. Frankly I'm not so sure that we're even the LESSER of 2 evils.

Crazy

I love the new single by Gnarls Barkley. Ceelo always packs the coolest lyrics since the Goody Mob days.


I remember when I lost my mind
there was something so pleasant about that phase
Even your emotions had an echo
in so much space

And when you're out there
without a care,
Yeah I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?
Probably

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
that's my only advice
Come on now, who do you think you are?
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control?

Well, I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
and all I remember is thinking was I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably

- Gnarls Barkely

Cheeseburger in Paradise

I just got back from my brother's wedding in Jamaica. What a strange trip. I definitely learned some new lessons on this one.

1) Do NOT travel with children under 3
2) Do NOT stay at resorts in remote places and no fridge in the room
3) Always make sure you have independent transportation (car, bike, motorcycle, etc.)

Miami / Boca

We flew out to Miami last Saturday. The flights from Seattle to Dallas and Dallas to Miami were pretty tough with the kids. Max was very wiggly and didn't want to sit still. Finally got picked up by Gina at the airport. The next day, Justin and I watched our 4 kids while the girls went to some parties and a music festival. After they got back, Justin and I went to Miami for Khasha's bachelor party. We had dinner at Perl and partied on Nikki Beach all night. It was a great time. We drove home at 10:00 am with no sleep and once again watched the kids and played in the pool most of the day while the girls were gone. Took a nap in the afternoon and grilled up some BBQ for dinner in the late afternoon. It was a good feeling. The kids were all running around and entertaining each other in Justin's big house. Slept like a champ that night and took off to Jamaica the next day.

I had a lot of time to chat with Justin on this trip. He's matured a lot and we got pretty deep.

Montego / Negril

Our arrival in Jamaica got off to a rocky start. I got swindled by a porter who grabbed my bags while I was wrestling with the kids' stroller and moved our stuff 30 yards and asked for a tip. Then I got yelled at by a customs agent for tipping the porter. I guess you're not supposed to. I wonder why the porter didn't get yelled at for asking for tip? Strange set up. They we get shuttle to our car rental place since it's not actually at the airport. They didn't have the car seats we had requested. I should mention that I'm very proud of Jen for not freaking out and riding in the car without car seats.

When we get to our resort/hotel I once again get hijacked by a porter while talking to the lady at the front desk. I'm fiercely independent (almost to a fault) and get extremely irritated when folks open doors for me or carry me bags or offer any other services which I really don't want/need. But to have it forced on me agitates exponentially. Of course I didn't want to come off as a cheap-skate so I just let the poor bastard roll our luggage up to the room.

The next couple of days were spent swimming in the pool or ocean with the kids and going to rehearsal dinners, family functions, etc. All this was done in between and while negotiating bouts of vomiting and diarrhea by Max.

I should mention another lesson learned/observation here. Our first few days in Miami/Montego Max was his usual hyper healthy self. We was either sprinting down the airport isles, fearlessly diving into pools despite lack of floatation devices or ability to swim, or practicing his WWF moves on mommy and daddy while sitting in airplanes. All this required me to be in 24/7 alert mode. I was constantly running, jumping, lifting and didn't have a moment's peace. I was proud of his vigor but kept complaining about the fact that I could not relax for one single moment. Around day 5 Max got sick and severely dehydrated. He would spend the day lying in bed with half glazed look on his face. It tore me apart. I felt terrible for whining and complaining about his hyperness and wished for it to come back as soon as possible. I learned a lesson. Some of life's challenges are unrecognized blessings.

I got to meet Rachel's family and really liked them. They seem genuine, passionate, and direct. There is no guile or posturing in them and they love Khasha.

The Big Day

The wedding was beautiful. Like a true warrior Max resurrected himself long enough to attend the wedding and do his part as ring bearer (he was back to sick the next day). He was dressed in white pants, blue shirt, and black sandals like all the other grooms men. Riley looked like a dream in her flower-girl and floral tiara. The photos were during the mid-day sun and holding and wrestling with Max got us both hot and sweaty. The kids were all over the place during the wedding. Riley stepped on Rachel's head dress and yanked her head back. Max cried towards the end and was all over the place the rest of the time. Everyone thought it was cute but I was sweating it a bit. The dinner and reception was a lot of fun. Max fell asleep in a gym bag.

Last Day

We decided to go to Negril the next day but Jen got scared when she heard news of violence around the Island. So we went to the Ritz but Max pooped all over himself and me so we went back to the hotel to clean up and let him get some rest. I took off with a group of the guys and went to Negril. We had a fun adventure getting there and jumped off the famous Rick's Cliff. We also played some volleyball at Alfred's beach bar. It was a good day. I got an earful from Jen when I got back for leaving her in the room with the kids all day.

2 more lessons learned:

1) I LOVE my home
2) My job is a peaceful refuge.

The Truth About 9/11

CLICK HERE FOR THE TRUTH

I'm not really sure where to start or what to say after seeing this. Although there's nothing here that I didn't already know or suspect, the culmination of the facts and detailed data is astounding. This isn't the liberal media twisting the truth. These are not the rantings of a whiney Democrat angry about not getting his way.

Forget what you believe in. Forget whose side you're on. Look at the facts and ask yourself. Is it all BS? Is the altenative explanation provided by the government MORE plausible? I'll shut up now. Take some time. Tune in. And really pay attention. Check out these 3 videos on the truth about 9/11 and what really happened at the WTC.

CLICK HERE FOR THE TRUTH

Riches to Rags

Ever notice how clothes have a way of getting demoted? Some people throw clothes away but I usually keep them around for sentimental or practical reasons. I was mowing the lawn the other day and I happened to glance down at the old, ripped up hiking boots I usually wear for yard work. I started to think about all the clothes that we wear during important or epic times in our lives and how years later, they become demoted to the basement like Milton in Office Space. Then it occurred to me that maybe it's not the clothes that get demoted. Maybe it's the owner’s life that evolves into a catatonic abyss and the clothes follow the owner's demise.

Here's my list of the top clothing downfalls of all time:

- The boots that braved the Amazon rainforest now mow the lawn.
- The fleece that climbed Machu Pichu now takes the kids on Sunday morning strolls.
- The shorts that partied on the beaches of Ibiza now go to the gym.
- The jeans that rolled at all-night raves now roll around in rat poo under crawl spaces and are not even allowed in the house
- The gloves that saved fingers in Fernies 20 below cold snap now pull weeds.
- The shirt won at the city championship game now crawls under the car for oil changes.

So what does this all mean? Heck, I don't know. Probably that I'm too immature to accept adulthood and choose to whine about it in this blog. Just be thankful I'm not bitching about my lower back.

I had to wear a tie today

After all the work and effort I put into guiding my career in the right direction, I find myslef in the last place I wanted ... a monkey suit. Apparently I guided it a bit too well. Perhaps the gods read my last blog and decided to play this practical joke on me.

Truth is, the whole company had to get snazzed up for a visit by Korean suppliers. Apparently they don't business with companies that don't employ tie wearing programmers. I can't complain though. At least I didn't have to sit through long, tense meetings with them like I did back at Boeing.

I'm a tie-wearing, ass-kissing, washed-up monkey in a monkey suit.

In Your Monkey Suit
You Look Just Like A Monkey

There You Go
There You Go
There You Go
But You Ain't Goin' Nowhere

You Got Money
You Got Money
You Got Money
But It Ain't Buyin' you Nothin'

In Your Monkey Suit
In Your Monkey Suit
In Your Monkey Suit
You Just Look Like A Monkey

- Plasmatics

I'm just a code crunching, ball pounding, monkey in a tree

On New Years Eve 2000, while most of the country was hiding in their basement and preparing for armageddon, I recall having an off the wall conversation with my brother and a friend at another buddy's NYE party. They were in their usual wine induced philosophy frenzy, discussing the meaning of existence and conciousness. When they asked my opinion I simply replied: "I'm just a monkey on a tree." At first they laughed but then they got it and eventually convinced each other that it was actually a brilliant philosophy.

Now I wouldn't go so far as to calling it brilliant but I think as people we simply forget to be primates sometimes. A primate's needs are simple. A primate can sit in a tree and think about nothing. Primates don't have 401Ks, celebrities, or cock-suckers like Oprah and Dr. Phil teaching them that they're inferior to each other. Primates don't sweat the NASDAQ or kill each other for worshiping invisible beings different than theirs.

Also, primates don't invest their self-worth and identity in athletic performance. Sadly, I do. In high school and college it was football. Accepting that I'd have to seek employment somewhere other than the NFL was a tough pill to swallow for my young Texas-raised mind. Eventually I moved on and fell back on other fun sports like skiing, volleyball, and wakeboarding. But now, with my recent back injury, I've been once again forced to contemplate throwing away a big chunk of myself. I almost cried in the Chiropractor's office as I confessed to him that other than my kids, sports is the only wholesome and decent thing I have left in my life. I think if I wasn't so goddamn stubborn, and just took a chill pill for a couple of weeks I'd heal up. But, sadly, my inability to do nothing is perhaps my biggest weakness. And so the injury cycle continues.

I finally played last night for the first time since coming back from Thailand. It was the season ending tournament and I didn't want to leave James high & dry. I showed up an hour early, ran, stretched, and slowly warmed up. My back had been feeling a bit better but not as much as I'd like for it to. I was concerned about reaggravting it and was having a tough time getting loose and pain free. I didn't jump serve and relegated all blocking to James. When he served I'd give him the block signals, except they were for him, not me. Lots of pros play this way but not many people around here. For some reason, this approach worked out. We won all the way through to the finals but by that point my back and hamstrings had completely siezed up on me and we lost to a team we had beat earlier in the day. Even if I was healthy it would have been a good day. But given the circumstances, it was a nice ray of sunshine, albeit short-lived, in this dreary drama. I woke up today feeling sore and mildly aggravated. Finally saw a physical therapist today. He seems to know a lot. I hope to learn more from him. So much of what we've been taught as athletes in the 80's and 90's is proving to be inaccurate and incomplete. Static stretching vs Dynamic stretching. Muscle isolation vs compound movements. I had to swallow a lot of new info and maybe throw away even more. I hope these changes will help. Throwing away 2 decade long habbits will not be easy.

So how did we get from talking about primates to listening to my self-absorbed whining about my failing body? Cuz I wanted to ... that's why.

Speaking of throwing away old habbits, the switch from ColdFusion to C# hasn't been too bad so far. Although the platform is more code intensive and C# is a very non-intuitive language, I'm managing to build things that work and the users are happy. The telesence in Visual Studio is also very useful and informative. That, plus the MSDN library and the books I read before starting have made things relatively easy for me. So far so good. I'll post a more detailed rant on C# and the .NET platform later. I'm sure you're peeing your pants with anticipation for that one. Well, you'll just have to tie a knot in it and cool off, tiger.

I'm just a code crunching, ball pounding, monkey in a tree. My special talent is that I can be a has-been and a wanna-be simultaneously without causing a space-time-continum paradox and toasting the whole planet.

This is the strangest life I've ever known.

- Jim Morrison

Fatality

I'm lame. You come here looking for wisdom and inspiration but I have nothing for you. Just some words from the Stones. A bit jaded at the moment. I'll be back soon. Hang in there.

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and they’re all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens every day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts
It’s not easy facin’ up when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin’ sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin’ comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black

- Stones

Thai Media

Finally collected and cleaned up all the Photos and Videos from the Thailand Trip. I'm back to studying C# before starting the new job next week. Having a tough time turning on the left brain and shutting down the right brain. Maybe a couple more days will help. Might be going over to Orondo to scope out some vacation property I'm going in for with Khasha. Not sure how we're going to afford it but it's a good investment. I want the kids to have something like that.

My way stuck in Taipei

I sold my soul to the devil, and the price was cheap
And it's cold on this level cause it's twice as deep
But you don't hear me
Ignorance is bliss and so on
Sometimes it's better to be thought dumb
Shall I go on?

-DMX

I just got booted off the plane in Taipei and told that my flight to Seattle is delayed for 4 hours. So I bluffed my way into the China Airlines VIP lounge to use the internet and let loved ones know I'll be late. But I think I'll stick around for a while. The free cookies and tea are very yummy and the couches don't hurt my back. A fella could get used to this.

A strange thing happens when you spend too much time in airports. You start seeing people and constantly trying to figure out where they're from, where they're going, and other details about them. Sometimes you're right on the money. Other times you're way off. I get a lot of looks for being non-asian. I can't tell if it's curiosity, admiration, or disdain.

I'm ready for home. I miss the fam ..... Stay tuned for the massive photo and video collection from Thailand. I'll post them as soon I download them off Mack's Arcos.

I reminisce
try to clear up all the myths
for an imaginary kiss
with you again
Not even friends
though I wish that I could mend
like a tailor and be Olive Oil's number one sailor
I ams what I ams, still I falls like an anvil
She's heavy on the mind sometimes it's more than I can handle
But men aren't supposed to tumble into the den B
Macho, but I hancho like Pancho will give in
Family oriented, but not Oriental
A dame is supposed to claim ya even if you drive a Pinto
A hero is a sandwich and a manwich is a meal
A marriage is a paper, are they fakin' or for real?

-Pharcyde

Purple Haze - Don't teez the deez

It's been a long time since my last post from Thailand. A lot has happened and I will no doubt fail to recall all the details but I'll do my best. One of the reasons I haven't written in the blog is because I've been busy. The other reason is that I wanted to make sure I was in a positive mind-state when I wrote. Certain events have been a bit overwhelming to deal with and therefore, I was't sure if I'd be able to write anything worth reading. Anyway, for what it's worth, here's the rest of the story ...

Budda's Revenge

The day after my last post I woke up early to fullfill one of my new vows which was to run at least 2 out of 3 days. I wake up to find Mack already awake, he gives me his WWF stare down and points at his gel-formed mohawk. He tells me it's his "running do". Kewl. Let's do it.

We run all the way down to the end of Chaweng beach and do sprint intervals on the way back. I feel great. Lungs, legs, everything is solid. Then, out of boredom perhaps, we do these running drills where I run and change directions based on Macks signals. Forward, Backward, left, right, and 4 corners diagonnally. They're sand drills intended to give you better feet and defensive reflexes for volleyball. I don't know if it was the slanted beach, the 2 days of pounding on the bikes, or my minor back injury before I came here. For whatever reason, something went really wrong and I had the worst lower back tweak I've ever had. Sitting, standing, & walking all become a massive challenge. I'm an old fuck-head.

I fell a bit better after shower and breakfast. The guys talk me into getting a Thai massage. HUGE mistake. I come out worst than before. Now I'm REALLY fucked. They suggest another day on the bikes (brilliant) and I agree (genius). We go to the south end which we haven't been to yet and check out some ancient fishing villages. On the way back, we stop at an intersection in the middle of no where. I see a truck with a Monkey on the back drive by. I watch the monkey, gun it to catch up with truck and keep watching him. Small detail ... when you gun the throttle like you're on concrete but you're really on sand here's what happens. Your back tire shoots out to the left and your right elbow drops. This cranks the throttle down even more, exacerbating the situation. Then your front wheel cranks right and you flip over. You skin your shouder. This last part is optional but I chose it for the full experience.

Luckily, a chicken shack at the corner had 1st aid and some friendly Russian nurses nearby were kind enough to clean me up. This process was a bit embarassing since all I wanted was to get out of there. The eyes staring at me burned more than the alcohol swabs wiping sand out of my skinned back. Towards the end Mack comes by and encourages us to attend the "Snake Show" at the other corner. So now I get parraded to the 2nd corner at the same intersection. The snake show was actually kind of cool. I even let the guy put scorpions on my arm since I figured after my morning back injury and afternoon bike wreck, god couldn't possibly keep fucking with me anymore. We got pics of the scorpions, my back, and other cool stuff.

After the show, I get paraded to corner #3 for some skewered chicken. Once the fellas had ensured that the Thais had had their fill of staring and laughing at the idiot American who wrecks his bike at 3 mph, we headed back home. We had a fun dinner on the beach where I got beat in checkers twice a by a fat 10 year old kid who went around the beach betting foreigners. Granted I was on painkillers and Vodka by this point, but I lost very fast & easy. The fellas had a good laugh about it. I returned my motorcyle and booked boat tickets to Koh Tao leaving the next morning for all 3 of us. Needless to say, I went to bed early and slept in the fetal position crying all night.

House of Pain

We get up early and catch the boat to Koh Tao. Packing is excruciating. Putting the pack on and off is even worse. I try not to complain too much even thought I know I do. Mack laughs at me. Matt helps me. I'm glad I don't have to be tough around him.

The cutest little girl insisted on playing cards with us and listening to our mp3 players on the pier. I got pics of her. Little butterball.

While on the boat someone tells us that the full moon party is actually on the 13th, not the 14th. We also find out that the boat is stopping at Koh Phangan on the way to Koh Tao. After stepping up the line of scrimmage and reading the defense I call an audible and change the game plan at the last second. We're getting off in Koh Phangan. Pooping on the boat was quite an ordeal. I won't go into details.

We get off and start looking for a beach-front bungalow close (but not too close) to the main party on Haad rin beach. We don't find anything beach front that works for us but we end up staying at a brand new (we were the 1st occupants) bungalow just off the beach at Bayshore Bungalows. Perfect. We spend the rest of the day swimming and chilling on the beach and checking out dive shops. We also find out that the full-moon v-ball tournament is cancelled due to the reconstruction of the bar that hosts it. We're a bit relieved due to my back and Matt's knee problems but I'm also a bit torn at the same time. I'd been thoroughly consumed with training for this tourney for over a year. It was the light at the end of the tunnel that kept me motivated to eat clean, train hard, and play in freezing weather. And now ... just like that ... poof ... the light is gone.

The next day we rent snorkels and explore the rock formations all the way north to the next beach. It is deserted. I stretch. We swim back. My back feels better but not nearly ready enough to play volley ball. I fall asleep on the beach. When I wake up, Matt's gone. I ask Mack where he is, but he just laughs at me. I see Matt playing v-ball. Mack laughs harder. It hurts. Kinda like watching your girlfriend making out with some other guy.

He have dinner and finalize our dives. We decide to go diving with Phangan Dive Shop. The owner and main dive master is a stocky long haired Swiss named Alex who looks just like Sammy Hagar from Van Halen. He was intelligent, articulate, laid back, and funny. We trust him. We book with him.

We head out of for a bite and plan to go to bed early but get temporarily side tracked when we get invited to a beach party somwhere else on the island. We go. It's fun & different but we cut out early due to our morning dives.

The next day goes well, we go to Shark Island near Koh Tao and I pass my 1st of 2 days of open water dives required for my certification. Visibility is poor but I'm just glad that the cert process in under way. The guys decide to skip diving the next day due to poor visibility. I go anyway since I just want to get certified. I meet a guy named Manuel on the boat. He runs an e-commerce site out of Amsterdam that sells Marijuana seeds. He's very intelligent and well-travelled. We get along great. I pass everthing and officially get certified. I go to the beach with Manuel and he meets the fellas. He takes off to dinner with Mack. I sit and watch Matt cheat on me some more with some little Israeli dude named Udi. He actually turns out to be a super cool guy. My back's feeling fine now and I want to play but Matt insists that I wait one more day per the game plan. 2 days of diving and no stress have helped the healing process along quite well.

That night we go out and celebrate. I had not partied since I got to the Island and I was ready to seriously kick it. We celebrate 3 things:
1) Matt's Birthday
2) My certification
3) My healing

We kick it Sea-Town style, Deez-like, call it what you want. We have a blast on the beach, meet lots of people, and party like little boys. It was great. We were definitely the stars of the Island that night (maybe just in our own minds).

I sleep great and attack the beach ready to take out all my pent up aggression on the v-ball court. I win a couple of games with Matt and then he grabs a bite to eat. I team up with a Danish guy named "Moegens" (Pronounced "Muntz") and we rattle off another 5 wins before losing a close one to a Swedish Team of "Johan & Johan". My back is not 100%. I can't jump serve, but manage to play within my limits and have a fun, pain-free day. That night I meet up with Muntz and his girlfriend and some other Danish & Sweedish folks for dinner. He ends up getting real drunk and leaving his girlfriend with some other gals. The two of us walk around the Island and drink buckets of Samsung. It's a good time. He's very funny and intelligent.

The game plan for the next day was to drink some "Special" Koh Phangan shakes and climb some waterfalls north of Haad rin that have to be reached by boat. We stop at a place called Purple Haze where a Macaque (Monkey) stole my shades. I could not get them back. The bastard was so quick. Finally, I took a shiny blue carbiner off Matt's back pack and sorta traded it with the Monkey for my shades. We got the whole thing on video.

Once we drink the shakes, however, Matt and Mack melt into the Sand and I do what I do. Muntz is eating nearby but he's EXTREMELY hung over. I team up with an Amazing Australian named Jim. He's not only a great player, he's also a great person in general. His wife helps me with my back pains and gives me advice on how to take care of it. We don't lose the entire day. I eventually stop playing due to back pain.

Matt: "How can you be playing volleyball right now?"

Ardi: "It's the only thing I know how to do."

We're like Jim Morrison and Ray Manzarek except on the beach instead of the dessert.

We go out and have more fun that night. Frankly, I can't recall the details. The next day we keep our promise and do climb the waterfalls, albeit sans-shake. It's a good climb and we do some small cliff dives at the top. The challenge on these dives was getting to the edge using vines as ropes. We swim through a little cave and explore some more. We go to a Thai Boxing match which was pretty cool and go out briefly but take it easy since the following night is the full moon party.

The day of the party is spent playing more v-ball. I can feel the repeated back injuries sapping the snap out of my core and legs. My 1st step is very slow and I'm not jumping very high. I play poorly but go all out and play 'til sundown since I know it's my last day of playing. I have dinner on the beach right next to the courts wrapped in a towel and laughing with friends. As coldplay would say (1st song, 1st album) We live in a beautiful world.

The full moon party is great. So many colors, lights, music, and strange people. I curse myself for forgetting to charge my camera battery despite Mack reminding me. We see so many strange, funny, and beautiful things and I wish I could have took pictures of them. We see people passed out on the beach and their freinds building sand castles on them. We see a 300 lb woman who can't get out of 2 feet of water. We see a guy who spends the entire party just digging a hole in the beach. We see people with strange body paint. We walk, watch, & laugh. I loved it.

We watch the sunrise on the beach with 1000's of others and euphoric Robert Miles cuts. We go to our rooms, pack, and catch the boat to Koh Tao with no sleep.

Koh Tao

After my first trip to Thailand, if you were to ask me about the most beautiful place I've ever been, I'd say it was Koh Tao and possibly Kauai 2nd. If you were to ask me that today, you'd get the same answer. Koh Tao is the smallest and northern-most most Island in the Surithani province. It is very primitive and primarily a diving heaven. There's something surreal and almost cartoonish about the way the trees, rocks, and buglows are all interwined with each other on the hillsides and jagged cliffs. It's almost as if Dr. Seuss was hired as the architect and told that the only rule is you can't move or destroy any rocks or trees when you build the bungalows. Unreal.

All the bungalows and dive shops are intertwined so you usually dive with the place you stay and save $ in the process. We stayed at Sairee Hut. They had a brand new dive shop and super cool dive masters.

We check in, swim, clean up, have dinner and go to bed super early since we got a dive the next morning and no sleep from the night before. I stay up a little later and chat with Jeff, an American from North Carolina who now runs the artificial ski slope in Dubai. What a crazy job.

We get up at 7:00 the next day. We walk 50 yards and we're on the boat by 7:30 and under water by 8:30. That's what's so cool about Koh Tao. Everthing is so close and convenient. The dives are cheap and take no time. You can do 2 dives by noon and still have the whole day to do other stuff. And that's exactly what we do. We dive in the morning and explore the Island on motor bikes the rest of the day. We go to a bay on the Southern end of the Island called Shark Bay (for good reason). It required us to take our little toy mopeds off road. I have video footage of some of the trail. It was comedy (& terror). We skin dive with black tip sharks. I swam next to one that was the same size as me for close to 30 seconds. A small 3 foot one attacked Matt and he had to fight it off with his fins. I'd hate to see what the 7 footer would have done to me.

We eat a snak at the same place we rented snorkels from, right on the beach. The beach is surreal. It has bush-like trees growing right in the middle of it, almost creating separate rooms on the beach for extra privacy and something to hang hammocks on. I really like the owner. He was very hospitable and kind. The kind of person you'd read about in the Celestine Prophecy. He has an older relative (dad/brother) that drinks samsung all day, sings, and teases the owners little daughter. It's a beautiful vibe all around.

We ride our bikes up a treacherous hill to the highest point on the Island, to a place called Happy Days to catch the sunset. We drink Opium tea. We get severly sick. It was hell. Matt and I puke (repeatedly) right over the edge into the jungles below. Each trip to the bathroom is like a long walk on a boat in rough seas. This is not the warm, fuzzy, blissful effects of opium that I'd read about all my life. We keep waiting to stabilize enough to ride our bikes back. Eventually we give up on that plan, stumble down the hill, and catch a pickup truck taxi back. There was something nostalgic and endearing about the whole exprience. I felt like shit but I somehow knew the whole thing sounded cool on paper and for whaterver reason that made it a bit more bareable. 3 buddies poisened on bad opium on a small primitive Island in SE Asia. As the Deeez would say: "How cool am I?" Well ... I was cool enough to puke in an alley as we went to the store to get some gatorade for rehydration.

Couple of symptoms we had to battle that night:

1) Severe Itching: I kept coating myself in bug repelent but I was itching all over like crazy.
2) Inability to Urinate: I also kept drinking fluids to stay hydrated and clean my system out. But none of us could pee so the fluids would build up and we'd eventually puke it all out.

Eventually we fell asleep and woke up around 11:00 feeling a bit better but not even close to 100%. We had a 1:00 pm dive booked so we had some breakfast and head back south to get our bikes. Boy oh boy, the walk up the hill in that state in the noon sun and full humidity was biblical. We were walking up the mountain of our past sins with gods vengence beaming down upon us with no mercy. Classic.

I actually felt a lot better once I got on the bike. By the time we got on the boat I was good to go. The dive was great fun and we went out that night and partied the old fashioned way.

The fellas left the next morning. I woke up long enough to say goodbye and move my stuff into a smaller bungalow for 1 person. Passed out again and woke up at 1:00 to a knock on the door. The dive master was waking me up for my dive. Only in Koh Tao.

It's another great dive. On the way back I grab some pineapple and head to the front of the boat. I sit there. I'm tanned black. I've lost weight. Got a 3 day beard. I remember seeing a picture of my dad rowing a boat when he was younger. He was thin, tanned, and looked happy. I think it was in Bandar Abbas on the Persian Gulf. I imagine that I must look a lot like him in that picture. I also realize that it's almost 5:00 pm and I'd spent the entire day asleep or under water.

Before the fellas left, I'd been telling myself that I'd enjoy a few days of alone time. What a crock of crap! I missed them. A lot. I went out to dinner and drinks with a few other divers but it just wasn't the same. I walked home alone and got some water on the way.

I always advise folks to travel alone but I guess by this point I was so hooked on the good times and fellowship that I'd been taking for granted that I just wasn't in the mood to get close to anyone else. Not cool. But true.

The next day was a dive free day. I took off and explored the entire Island on my inadeqate bike. I ended up at the same bay where we dove with the black tip sharks. I was in a deep funk but the owners recognition and hospitality was a nice treat. I ate, read, slept, swam and made my way back to Sairee. I booked another early morning dive and went to bed early. The next morning I packed and checked out before the dive. Afterwards I slept, returned my bike, and and caught a cab to the pier, jumped on a boat and arrived in Koh Samui to catch my flight to Bangkok the next morning.

As soon as I get in the truck, it starts raining. Just as we touched down in Bankgok as I finished the last sentence of my book, I was now feeling the Islands say goodbye just I begin heading out. Sad.

When I was young I used to read stories and see movies about Vietnam vets who would lock themselves in their hotel rooms for days after coming out of the bush. Never stepping out except for a quick bite and a bottle. I always used to wonder why they didn't just go out and party, get drunk, gamble, chase chicks, and live it up. After climbing Matchu Pichu, I understood.

Now I've got that feeling once again. You would not understand. This is not how I am.
- Pink Floyd

I slept in my Samui Bungalow only to step out long enough to write this blog. I'll probably eat and go back to sleep. Just blocks from the Green Mango, the central Samui party spot. Why am I so drained? I don't know. I don't like it. But hey, I've been through a lot.

I guess at the end of the day you got your friends, your family, and your teammates. And if you're really lucky ... they're all the same people. I feel painfully blessed.

Thanks for visiting. Hope to see you all again soon.

Numbah One American G.I

There are few moments in life filled with more potential than ones involving a good back pack, good company, and no particular plans. And it was in such a situation that I found myself at 4:00 a.m on Friday, March 4th, downtown Bangkok as I grabbed a cab and thew our packs in the back. We were on our way to a 6:00 am flight to Koh Samui in the Gulf of Thailand and I could feel the seeds of adventure sprouting for us. But I suppose the real adventure began a couple of days earlier.

As fate would have it, Mack and I both hurt our backs the week prior to our flight to Bangkok. He hurt himself on the bunny slopes at Chrystal Mountain (even though he'll tell you it was steep and deep) while I hurt mine playing volleyball (even thought we lost). While I had chose stretching and excercise to start the healing, Mack had fell back on his own "Deiselesque" therapy. I arrive at his house on Monday night after my weekly V-Ball game in the U-District to drop off one of two 2-way radios that we'd use to find each other in Bankok. I walk in the living room only to find it covered with random travel paraphenalia and gear. This is the Diesel method. Organized chaos squeezed into a back pack. He informs me that he's been taking some pain killers and wine to ease the pain. This, given his 2:00 am flight out and general state of affairs, scares me a bit. Plus, he seems extremely chatty and happy but not very competent. He couldn't even find a pen and I had to get one of out my car. But, he is a grown man after all so I give him the radio and some other details and head out in order to let him get back to packing.

I fly out the next day at 1:30, about 12 hours after the Deez (Mack) and look forward to reading some books that I had put off for a while during my C# studies. I end up sitting next to a Korean business man who claimed to have seen the devil and was now pursuing his degree in Theology. His plan was to join all the other Korean ministers spreading christianity in Communist China. What a swell plan! I did find the guy likeable and we did have some pleasant although strained conversation. At one point I had to escape to the back of the plane to read my book because he wanted to discuss the virtues of Christianity but every time I presented him with contradictions and falsities in the bible, he would change the topic. Eventually, I had to escape to the back of the plane and sit in the stewardess chair to read my book. After a 2 hour pit stop in Seoul (last post) I jump on the flight to Bangkok and finally take a fat chunk out of the book. I finish the last sentence as our wheels touch down. Seriously, it was pretty cool.

After a brief (90 minute) and pleasant stroll through customs where I daydreamed about root canals, I hop in a cab and tell him to take me to Khao San road. All I know was that the Deez would be there and he would have turned the radio I gave him on around midnight. My cab driver is very enthusiastic about making small talk. Minor problem ... he doesn't speak english. This, as it turns out, isn't really considered a problem in Thailand. The art, is in being able to "Pretend" that you understand. Even it if leads to you doing ridiculous things and wasting other peoples time. I don't remember it being this bad last time but maybe I was just younger with less venom in my veins.

Anyway, I begin to reflect in the cab and think about my ride from the airport last time I was here. That time, Seth's driver picked me up in his black mercedes and took me to his high-rise penthouse. This time I was headed to the seediest part of town to sleep in a $12 room with plastic sheets and no TP. And I couldn't be happier. Wouldn't trade it for Donald Trumps toupe' OR his polyurethane wife.

I hit the call button on the radio a few times but no response. Finally, as I'm pulling my bag out of the trunk the radio crakles.

"Ardi?"

"DEEEEEEEZ!"

"Are you here?"

"Yeah, where are you?"

"I'm at the crkh#$#$yert"

"What?"

"*&(FDDTTD*^*^"

"OK ... Any other landmarks?"

It goes on like this for a while. Finally (sadly) we choose Burger King as a landmark and meet up a few minutes later. His look tell's it all. He's got the big smile, the puffed out chest, and movie star grin goin'. I can tell he's already having a good time. I watch him expertly navigate through the transvestite prostitues as he takes me to our room. He's already a pro. Good for him.

We step out for a drink and a bite and go to bed early (kinda) after a brief stroll. I couldn't sleep since it was 10:00 am at home. I got a couple of hours of sleep and we were up to take care of all the loose ends before Matt came to town. First things first, how quick can we get outta Bangkok? We're in luck. The only flights to Koh Samui available for the next day are at 6:00 am. This means, weather we like it or not, we're leaving town EXTRA early. I wondered if I should just take my stuff with me when I go to pick up Matt at the airport and sleep for a few hours in the terminal. We decide to bring Matt back in case he wants to shower and eat. Also, this way he could see Bangkok (sorta).

The rest of the day is spent shopping, taking pictures, visiting parks, etc. A couple of funy things happened.

We were eating lunch at a small cafe and noticed our waitress acting very strange. It really didn't make any sense to us. Finally, towards the end, she asks me: "So, are you the man?" It dawned on me that she thought we were gay. We laughed it off and had a good time teasing her. But we were also curious why she would think that. We certainly didn't look the part. It turns out that we were apparently a little too involved in each others company and our lack of attention to external stuff like women, etc. was construed as gay. Fuck it, I'm glad I got a bro that's so funny he takes my mind and my eyes off women.

The other funny incident was when I accidentally gave Mack 15 baht (30 cents) for our 150 baht (4 dollar) cab ride. I was tying my shoe in the back when I heard the most violent guttural animal scream emanate from the driver. I guess that was his way of telling Mack the amount was wrong. I don't know why but that event and Mack's confused deer in the headlights look had me laughing for ever. I was walking down the street looking extra touristy with tears coming out of my eyes.

We come across an outdoor gym. I love working out in hot humid weather. If feels so good on the joints and muscles. The temperature at Bothell Golds sucks!!!!

I eat fried spiders, grass hoppers, maggots, worms, and pupae. The grass hoppers are too salty. The worms taste like dirt.

I sleep from 10:00 pm to 1:00 am and pick Matt up at the airport at 1:30. Well, closer to 2:00 since I got dropped off at the wrong terminal. I was worried that the news of the 6:00 am flight at the tail end of a 20 hour trip would bum him out but he's in great spirits. He showers, we eat, and then the moment mentioned at the intro above.

We play cards and laugh before we get on the plane. The flight is quick. I read the lonely planet book. Matt reads the diving book. We plan some dives and activities.

Chaweng Beach is on the Eastern side of Koh samui and reminds me of a 3rd world Las Vegas. Busy with lots of stores, lights, bling bling, boom boom. But at 7:00 am it's a ghost town. I find myself getting nostalgic as we pass areas of fun times last time I was here. We find a simple but big bungalow for the 3 of us and spend the rest of the day exploring the beach and streets. They get me drunk off 3 long islands. I take an afternoon nap. We go out. I start calling Mack #1 American GI due to his penchant for innocent flirtation with the prostitutes that are contantly harassing men from bars and street corners. I emphasize "Innocent". I don't want to defame him. He smiles and waves whereas I run away like a retareded school boy who just shit his pants and doesn't want anyone to know. Frankly, I like like his way better.

I get up early (8:00) the next day and visit various dive shops to plan some dives for me and the boys. I gradually realize that diving trips in Koh Samui are a waste of time and $. The reason is that they have to take you away (to Islands like Koh Tao) for dives. This increases their costs as well the travel time to and from the dive spots. 1 or 2 dives could consume your whole day. We decide that since we're going north anyway, we'll dive from there. We focus on hammering out the non-dive activities in Koh Samui and getting out of dodge asap.

While the boys were sleeping and I was learning more about the dive situation I also found some mopeds for rent. Our first destination, the infamous waterfalls. Infamous, due to the fact that Khasha a B-Sack climbed straight up the waterfall and took some pics. We were determined to out do them. I LOVE riding the bikes with no helmet and no shirt, flying though the country side roads and farms surrounded by sun, skye, palm trees, and blue waters. THIS IS South East ASIA! It is the best time I've had on this place.

The first thing we see when we get to the bottom of the waterfalls are the elephants. Rides are cheap so we jump on. They are sooooooo cool and sooooo powerful. I switch seats with the driver and he shows me how to steer and communicate with the elephant. They are very intelligent and can perform a wide variety of tasks on command.

After that we begin the climb. I stash everything behind some bushes except for a camera which I put in a ziplock back and put in the cargo pocket of my board shorts. I tighten my amphibious Solomon shoes. No socks, no weight. Both hands are free. We're off. Sweating, climbing, jumping, taking pictures, sweating, climing, sweating, climbing, slipping, scraping, pulling, sweating, climbing.

The pool at the top is great. We swim & cool off. We're just chatting away on the way down when we suddenly realize we're on a road? What? Shitsticks !!! (Matt's words). We cut back tough some farms and find the trail head. We spend more time playing with the elephants (the baby is allowed to roam free) the Macaques and Gibbons (monkeys). More great pics. We get barbequed chicken legs and pineapples from a street side vendor. We all agreed it was the best meal ever.

I was feeling so great about the activities of the day that I went right along with the plan of sharing a bucket of samsung whiskey with the fellas. Thai whiskey has amphetamines in it. I don't think I fell asleep 'til 6:00. Woke up feeling like shit and came up with my new vows. For the rest of this trip I will:

1) Not drink alcohol
2) Be in bed by 2:00 (3:00 is ok too)
3) Go running at least 2 out of 3 days.

I think leaving Koh Samui will help me out with this plan.

The last one was added when Matt and I tried peppering on the beach today and I was like a bowl of winded jello. Gotta get (stay) in shape for the full moon volleyball tournament in Koh Phangan.

Anyway, today was spent exploring the North and West side of the island. Loved it. But .... I think my spine has had enough pounding for 2 days. Tomorrow we'll hang out on the beach and arrange for our boat ride to Koh Tao. We're gonna try to catch a few days of diving before heading to Koh Phangan around the 10th.

Details will follow.

Quick Shout from Seol

I'm pit-stopping in Seol for an hour before catching my flight to Bangkok. Considering it's 1:00 am in Seattle I feel pretty good. I'm supposed to meet up with Mack Diesel when I get in at 12:30 am Bangkok time which will be about 10:00 am Seattle time. I can't sleep on planes. I guess that's a night sleep I'll have to forego. On the upside, I got a hold of an old buddy in Bangkok and hopefully we'll have a guide for our 1 or 2 nights there. I've been taking notes on some the interesting developments so far but I'll have to send you those out in a more organized and coherent posting. That's about it for now. I feel good.

Empty Desk Syndrome

Well, this is it. Today was my last day at Cingular. I must admit I really enjoy the fact that after 1.5 years of consulting and development here I could clean up my office in 30 seconds and carry all my belongings (Coffee Cup, Headphones, 6 programming books) out under 1 arm. God I'm going to miss being a consultant! I love the detachmet that comes with it. You're never influenced by the tides of corporate take overs, layoffs, transfers, etc. I've seen folks cry when they leave their jobs or get canned. They are so desperately attached to their jobs it's sickening. They're fully imprinted with this fear that they can't get another job (which may be true in some cases) or they are so specialized in what they do that no one else will need them.

My next job is a permanent gig. I suppose it implies that I'll have to get involved in all the internal politics of the company. Plus, the postition and title inherently carry way more responsibility which I sort of like & dislike simultaneously. If I can truly have 100% control of the the design and architecture of the system then I know I can build something robust, modular, scalable, .... (I'm running out of buzz words here) .... , optimized, and bug-free. But if I end up having to make too many compromises to support flaws in the existing architecture of some of the internal apps & systems then it can become very painful very quickly. There's nothing worse than being held responsible for problems that you didn't create and/or can't solve.

But for the time being, to heck with all that. I'm SUUUUUUUPER stoked about my upcoming trip to Thailand. I'm back down to my fighting weight and can't wait to hit the scuba dives and jungle hikes. My brother climbed some waterfalls in Koh Samui which I missed last time I was there. It's going to be off the heeeeeeezeeeeee !!!! Matt's knee is still jacked so I'll have to win the v-ball tourney's alone (or lose them alone depending on how you look at it). In that spirit, and the news of the new job, I'll finish with 2 quotes from Vince Lombardi:

"To achieve success, whatever the job we have, we must pay a price."

"It is essential to understand that battles are primarily won in the hearts of men."

Adios Bitches!

Gearing up for the big trip

Well, with the site done and my contained water scuba certification out of the way, I've got a about a week of working out and studying ahead of me. I'm shooting to finish the 1000 page C# book I bought by the end of the week. I tend to stop and play with the code a lot though so it's not going as fast but I'm definitely learning better this way. The Cingular firewall does not allow me to install a local version of the .net framework so I have to do some of the studying at night. Jen's not too stoked about that.

I'm playing with my new v-ball partner tonight. James moved here from Chicago and he's pretty decent. Hope I don't let him down. One more week left. Must .... stay .... focused .....

Wooohooo! The Site's Done!

Finally finished MAXO Studio today. I put together the robots file and xml site map, tweaked some meta tags, submitted it to google, and that's that. Now I can just sit back and clock them G's. Not!

Seriously though, it's a nice relief. I'll be reviewing my study materials for my scuba certification dive this Saturday and after that I'll drown in a sea of C# for 10 days before heading off to Thailand. Yup yup.

MAXO's a livin' legend and I'll tell you why ...
Everybody wanna be MAX but MAX's still alive ...

Jay-Z

Transition

Well, I'm almost done with MAXOStudio's main site. I should have the tutorials and the robots/indexing issues ironed out by the end of the week. I guess I've been feeling a bit sentimetal about this project since my next long term gig is going to be an ASP.NET project in C#. Saying goodbye to my old trusty friend, ColdFusion, will not be easy. Afterall, it was he who gave me my start and confidence in this industry over a decade ago. "Coldy" as I like to affectionately call him, has never let me down. No matter what clients ask for, Coldy's always there, with clean, concise solutions. "Don't worry Ardi.", he'd say. "Here's an easy and elegant way to get the job done." After the rollout of MX and the Mach-ii framework, ColdFusion beat the bad rap it had in the past of not being Object Oriented enough.

Conversely, I'm finding C# to be exremely non intuitive and code intensive. I find it ironic that C# tries to condense basic functionalites into meaninless symbols (i.e ! for NOT, ++ or += for increments, { for blocks, etc) and yet when it comes to the object oriented portion of the code (classes & objects) as well as the modular portion (methods, properties, overloading, etc.) it requires exponentially more lines of code just to create a basic object with a few properties and methods. Let's give credit where credit is due. C# does have great features and immense horse power. No doubt about it. But I think when it comes to be being concise, elegant, readable, and self-documenting it is sorely lacking. I really wish the project could have been in VB.NET. Even that seems to have an edge over C#. But sadly, I'm making my living in Microsofts back yard. They've been spreading the C# virus pretty heavily here in the Northwest. I've been fighting the deamons for 5 years now and refusing to give in to the dark side. But like most mortals, I had my price and eventually I was bought off with the rest of them. Having kids can do strange things to your principles.

Speaking of kids and principles .... I've been feeling a bit strange about my upcoming trip to Thailand with Matty "Matso" & Mack "Diesel". I'm a good dad, I provide for and take care of my kids. I manage to keep their mom happy too. But no matter how hard I look, I don't see any other dads taking a few weeks off to travel the globe, scuba dive, surf, hike, etc. I sway back and forth between feeling like a fortunate renaissance man who's really got his shit together and an immature selfish dad who refuses to grow and change and be a "real" father (whatever that means). Regardless, these doubts and feelings of guilt often creep up at the most unfortunate times and manage to ruin the brief episodes of fun and freedom that I do manage to eek out for myself.

My volleyball partner couldn't show up for our game last night so he called an old-school legend had him sub in for him. This guy used to be an amazing player. But now he's 30 pounds over weight and fairly out of shape (he still played 10 times better than I did). Although he lamented his diminished skills and fitness, he was prefectly content to blame it on his 3 kids. As if that made it OK and natural.

I don't think I need therapy. I think what I really need is a role model or at least a peer. I need to see another dad having some fun and being responsible at the same time. Just to show me that it is at least "theoretically" possible even if realistically rare and difficult.

End of Religion and Demise of Faith ... blah ... blah ... blah

A while ago I was privy to some e-mail correspondence between friends which I felt compelled to organize and save due it's depth and comical duality. I figured now that I've got a blog I should post it for all you deep thinkers as well you Republicans. The first thread is a summary of a Sam Harris speech written by Stewart Brand. It's basically the article that started this whole thread. The dialogue after that is between some friends of mine. These are some pretty deep dudes and I'm glad they even included me in the dialogue. Some of the most entertaining thoughts are from a fellow who got his law degree as well a theological one (yes, he is an ordained Pasteur), and is now practicing law in Oregon. This is great food for thought. I enjoyed reading it. I hope you do too.

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With gentle demeanor and tight argument, Sam Harris carried an overflow audience into the core of one of the crucial issues of our time: What makes some religions lethal? How do they employ aggressive irrationality to justify threatening and controlling non-believers as well as believers? What should be our response?Harris began with Christianity. In the US, Christians use irrational arguments about a soul in the 150 cells of a 3-day old human embryo to block stem cell research that might alleviate the suffering of millions. In Africa, Catholic doctrine uses tortured logic to actively discourage the use of condoms in countries ravaged by AIDS.
"This is genocidal stupidity," Harris said. Faith trumps rational argument. Common-sense ethical intuition is blinded by religious metaphysics. In the US, 22% of the population are CERTAIN that Jesus is coming back in the next 50 years, and another 22% think that it's likely. The good news of Christ's return, though, can only occur following desperately bad news. Mushroom clouds would be welcomed. "End time thinking," Harris said, "is fundamentally hostile to creating a sustainable future."Harris was particularly critical of religious moderates who give cover to the fundamentalists by not challenging them. The moderates say that all is justified because religion gives people meaning in their life. "But what would they say to a guy who believes there's a diamond the size of a refrigerator buried in his backyard? The guy digs out there every Sunday with his family, cherishing the meaning the quest gives them."

"I've read the books," Harris said. "God is not a moderate." The Bible gives strict instructions to kill various kinds of sinners, and their relatives, and on occasion their entire towns. Yet slavery is challenged nowhere in the New or Old Testaments; slave holders in the old south used the Bible to defend their practice. The religious texts have power because they are old, but they are also hopelessly out of date because they are old.

It's taboo among religious moderates to compare religions, said Harris, but we must. "Where are the Tibetan Buddhist suicide bombers?For that matter, where are the Palestinian Christian suicide bombers--- they're as Arab and aggrieved as anyone." The fundamental beliefs of Islam really are a problem. "Martyrdom in jihad is not a fringe doctrine; it is believed by millions of Muslims." It's not a question of ignorance--- two-thirds of al Qaeda operatives are college educated."We have no reason to expect to survive our religious differences indefinitely. Faith is intrinsically divisive. We have a choice between conversation and war." It was conversation that ended slavery, not faith. "Faith is a declaration of immunity to conversation. To make religious war unthinkable, we have to undermine the dogma of faith. The continuance of civilization requires not moderation, but reason."Harris ended by lauding meditation and mysticism as a form of experiential science, and observed, "The wisdom of contemplative life is not evenly distributed. The East has more than the West."

-- SB

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I think it's easy to let this issue slide and leave it to the professional "worry warts" to wonder about the implications of close to 50% of the US population hoping for (and possibly helping to expedite?) the end of the world in the next 50 yrs. However, because the ramifications of this widely held hope/belief are so grave and permanent, this issue demands attention from even non-pro worry warts like us.I think Harris's taking to task the "moderately religious" for in essence providing blanket cover for the fringe who would very much like to prevent progress (e.g., stem cell research) and see the whole world come to an end is an issue worthy of serious contemplation. I myself find there is much to like about a lot of religion. But I wonder about the larger impact of endorsing institutions so potentially lethally dangerous to the existence of our species?It seems to me that for religions to stay relevant they must evolve significantly. That would mean reversing some long standing positions embedded in scripture, the "word of God". But how much change can thousand year old texts and institutions withstand without collapsing completely?
There is precedent that at least some significant change is possible via the various branches of central religions that have sprouted off over time. I'm no expert in this area, but I know Episcopalians for instance have broken with the radical Evangelicals, Catholics, etc. and opened up their faith to homosexuals. Based on that I imagine that, unlike the Catholics, the Episcopalians have renounced other Bible endorsed, but out of date practices, such as slavery. But have the Episcopalians (or any other branch of Christianity?) thrown out Revelations, an entire chapter of the Bible?

- GH

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The guy has a good point. If a co-worker at a business meeting professed his belief in Santa Claus or The Easter Bunny we would treat him with derision and outright disrespect, but if someone professes that they believe in an equally far-fetched, mythical, supernatural being under the guise of "religion" we grant that person special deference and respect. Really, this is the lowest form of intellectual dishonesty.

I mean, we are saying on the one hand that it is absurd that a guy can deliver millions of presents in a single night by flying around the world in a sleigh pulled by magic reindeer, but that a guy who walks on water, raises the dead with a magic touch, and turns two fish into thousands is a completely rational belief? There's no rational distinction between the two, they're both superstitious, primitive fables, but for those of us who were raised in the Christian tradition, our years of indoctrination makes it extremely difficult to see the distinction.

Also, for those of us brought up in the Christian tradition, giving up on the idea of a God, soul and afterlife is an extraordinarily difficult thing to do. Even if all the empirical evidence around us suggests otherwise, it goes against our basic human nature, to give up on the idea of a personal god. The reason why is simple: we have no greater impulse in life than our own survival; by erecting an intellectual facade of immortality, we are convincing ourselves that we can live on, even through death. If you've ever come close to drowning, freezing, being shot, etc., or seen someone up close in their final moments of life, you can see just how profoundly strong, determined, and resilient the impulse to live is. When push comes to shove, human beings are capable of extraordinary feats of strength, endurance and determination--acts that would be impossible, even by professional athletes, in the ordinary circumstances of daily life. That's why it should come as no surprise that the intellectual equivalent, giving up in a belief in God, is just as difficult and tortuous a process.

Having said that, what I think is really interesting is the case of Christianity in America in particular. If you look at the number of folks who are religiously observant in Europe vs. America, the numbers are astounding. I operated for years on the assumption that Europeans were equally as religious if not more so. Turns out that while 50% or better of Americans are religiously observant, most European countries have numbers that run from the low double digits to the high single digits. (Which really blows my theory that strict Catholicism was why so many beautiful Spanish and Italian girls would never give me the time of day. :-)

Anyway, what's curious about Christianity particularly, is how fervent belief is in America despite the fact that most believers are fairly ignorant of the religion's primary text and its doctrinal implications. Judaism/Islam/Christianity all derive from the same pool of Old Testament source material and differ from other world religions in that they are so doctrinally and textually based. That is, you have one book that is the definitive source of truth on matters of faith and philosophy, and a set of rules that must be strictly abided by. Most people around the world live by faiths that are much looser in terms of moral codes and philosophical beliefs--they have some important teachers and beliefs, but things aren't generally set in stone. Judaism/Islam/Christianity, on the other hand, have a right way/wrong way of doing things and presumptively, a belief system that has one "true" interpretation. The result is, religious beliefs that are generally intolerant of outsiders and create enormous inter-faith disputes. So, it shouldn't be surprising then when we read about Sunnis murdering Shiites in Baghdad or Catholics and Protestants going tooth and nail in Northern Ireland. If you have a central book in your religion that outlines the way to live, you either abide by it or you don't--you are either living the right way or the wrong way (setting aside for a moment the important question of just how to interpret that central text). My point is, all religions are not equal, Judaism/Islam/Christianity demand a more rigid and exclusive brand of faith, which at least from the point of outsiders, makes them more of a threat--and history seems to bear this out--there is no Taoist Inquisition or Buddhist Fundamentalist Terrorism.

It is not fair though, to lump Christianity in with Judaism and Islam for one important reason: while both Muslims and Jews practice extensive scrutiny of their core religious texts (in the original languages) most Christians have never read the bible cover to cover. So what you have, is a religion that follows a strict moral code and lays down rigid philosophical beliefs in the form of a central text, but few of its followers devote much study to that text. Sure, there are pastors and theologians who read the bible fully, but for the most part, Christianity is a religion based on a central text, that goes largely unstudied but its followers.

If you look at this with a critical eye, you may get some sense of what I mean. For example, if you read the Koran or the Torah, you are pretty much getting word-for-word the stuff that the author originally said. However, if you read the New Testament, you are getting a translation of a translation of a translation from (at best) a second-hand oral account. That is, you are getting an English translation of a Latin translation of first or second-century Greek. And the guys who actually wrote the stuff down in Greek were getting it from guys who spoke Aramaic. Now you may argue, what if one of the disciples or apostles actually spoke and wrote Greek? But this isn't remotely realistic. Jesus came from, recruited his apostles from, and preached in, Galilee, an outlying province of Palestine with no town larger than 5,000 people. The practical importance of that, is that no one who could write Greek would be found in that area, because there would be no call for (or money for) a scribe in a remote agricultural area like that. Galilee, in other words, was an area of very poor, illiterate peasants.

Why is that significant? It means that the New Testament is based on a translation of an oral account from Aramaic to Greek that occurred years after the words were spoken by Jesus. A good example of this is the Sermon on the Mount. There are far, far too many themes in this lengthy passage to be even remotely attributable to one spoken lesson. Clearly, this is an amalgamation of remembered teachings, combined in a single frame story in the written account (the Gospels). After all, let's say you were a disciple who followed Jesus around for three years and you were yourself illiterate; how much could you accurately recount? Likely, you could remember the best, most memorable bits with some precision, you would be more hazy on others, and you would forget significant portions of what was said. And of course, you would pass on the portions of the message that you thought were most significant to you.

Also, of some significance, is the fact that Aramaic has no verb tenses, no plurals and no definite articles. Of course, Greek has all these things. So when you make a translation, from an oral account in Aramaic to Greek you have an awful lot of room for interpretation by the interpreter. And when you are talking about something as nuanced as Jesus' teachings this is rather significant. And that's not the only place where you run into interpretation problems. Translation from Greek to Latin to English is hardly free of problems. For example, Caesar's words when crossing the Rubicon are commonly translated into English as, "The die is cast." Sounds like the meaning is fairly straightforward doesn't it--something like, "I've made my decision." In fact, Caesar's words when crossing the Rubicon were him quoting his favorite Greek poet, Menander, "Anneriphtho ho kybos", which more accurately means, "Let the dice fly high". Yet, a mediocre translation years later by Suetonius comes out in Latin as, "Iacta alea est"-- "The dice (die) is (are) thrown." And then in English as, "The die is cast." (note the translation of "alea" as "cast" rather than "thrown") So, in one translation the meaning is one of inevitably--my actions are already determined. In the other translation, it's Caesar saying, "F--- it! I'm ready to risk everything!"

A good case in point: the Aramaic word for carpenter is naggar -- a person who makes things with wood; but it also had the colloquial meaning of a wise man, one who makes things with words. Modern scholars know this, a Greek translator in the first century very well might not have. Now, which translation makes more sense about Jesus? That he was a carpenter or a wise man?

Compound these translation problems by thousands and thousands of lines in the Gospels and you get a sense of the translation issue: You are finely parsing words to gain philosophical and metaphysical insight, in order to argue for your version of proper church doctrine, and you are making moral judgments of others, as well as political decisions (in areas like abortion, stem cell research, and the Iraq War) based on your 17th-century English translation of a Latin book translated from a Greek book translated from some guys who spoke a language with a limited grammatical structure who were trying to remember what someone else had said years before.

Of course, this all puts aside the more fundamental question of whether or not Jesus was a historical person. Our first written accounts of Jesus don't appear until around 100 A.D. (unless you count the Hindu scrolls from the Hemis Monastery in Kashimir which were lost or stolen around 1939), so the question looms as to whether or not such a man actually existed or whether the accounts surrounding his name were a political maneuver by clever Jewish leaders who wished to form a Messiah cult around a Jewish figure that would counter the powerful cults of Caesar and Nero that existed in Palestine at the time and attracted many Jews. I tend to favor the argument put forward by historian Will Durant, that although we have no historical record for Jesus, the depth of the accounts that arises in the first century seem more likely to have come from a historical figure rather than a fabricated figure. Nonetheless, it remains an interesting question from a rationalist standpoint: To what extent does the historical evidence for Jesus exist? When you realize that almost all the mythological or supernatural aspects of the Jesus story, from Virgin birth in a manger on December 25th, to the listed miracles, down to the resurrection are lifted directly from the then competing Roman cult of Mithras, you do have to approach the topic with some skepticism.

But back to your point about the Book of Revelations; what is really ironic about folks hoping to hasten the Apocalypse, is that it was a text clearly about things as they existed in first or second century Palestine--a Beast in a city with seven hills--Rome; whose number is 666--which in Jewish gemmatria, a well-known Kabbalistic way of translating names, comes out to "Nero Caesar" in Greek. (Interestingly, the earliest copies of Revelations actually list the number as 616, which just so happens to be the equivalent of "Neron Caesar", an alternate Greek spelling). Of course, modern Christians often confuse "the Beast" mentioned in Revelations, with "satan" in the Old Testament (which in Hebrew translates as "obstacle", not a personal name), but that's a whole other story...

I guess to sum up, we are living in a society that is becoming increasingly divided between rationalist and anti-rationalist ideologies. The GOP has done a tactically brilliant job in the past decade of increasing its base along religious rather than economic lines. Is religion dangerous? It always has been in the West. Is it more dangerous today? Perhaps--the Islamic fanatics have access to more dangerous technology, and the fanatics in our own country have access to more political power than in many decades. But the real question is, what sort of society do you have without the restriction of moralizing religious dogmatism? The answer is, something that has the ethical tone of the Soviet Union--and that's not necessarily a comforting alternative.

Religion is the opiate of the people, but do you want the common knucklehead in a democracy acting in an unrestrained and possibly monstrous way, or living docilely like sheep? Maybe all we need is a different shepherd? ;-)

- MV

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I mostly agree with everything you say. I do, however, have some commentary and questions, to which I would be interested to hear your response.

You make a good point that there is no rational distinction between a belief in Santa Claus and a belief in some omnipotent god. The guy giving this talk also mentioned something along those lines, pointing out how irrational it would seem to blame the destruction of New Orleans on an angry Poseidon. However, while I am not fully versed in the history of world religions, and I could be wrong about this, my first question would be why it is that certain "mythologies" have largely stood the test of time as being "religions", while others were relatively quickly discarded?

Of course, even if it is true that certain beliefs are statistically more resilient over time, mass appeal doesn't prove anything, except maybe that we are all genetically wired the same way, and that history/communication finally flushed out the mythologies that were the most appealing to the most people, given how we are wired. In this light, the mythologies/religions that survived due to shared genetic heritage is really just a corollary to MV's point about the survival instinct - people grasping for intellectual immortality using a construct that makes the most sense to us given our other genetic traits. In other words, we all want to believe in something, and in very general terms, we have agreed what it is we want to believe in (a higher power, Santa Claus doesn't cut it, yada yada).
However, I do slightly disagree with MV as to *why* people want to believe at all. MV makes a good case that the survival instinct is the primary reason that people want to believe, and I am sure that this is at least partially true. However, in terms of eternal survival, the belief structure of the Western religions (for example) isn't all upside - a bottle of 151 and a few loose women, coupled with an untimely demise before you can repent, and you could have eternal survival ... in hell. As is seen with the suicide impulse (overriding the survival instinct due to extreme pain), it doesn't seem that people's quest for immortality would cause them to believe in the chance of eternal punishment (versus no afterlife at all). The Eastern religions also don't really fully satisfy the survival quest - as an example, potential reincarnation as a cockroach is not a super selling point for that belief structure.

Instead, I think that people want to believe in a religion in order to give their life meaning. I think it is this quest for meaning - a higher purpose, or order to the universe, rather than immortality - that is the important common element in the religions/mythologies that survive the test of time.

In the absence of some sort of non-quantifiable belief (i.e. faith) in a "soul", one is left with our sense of "self" as just a neural network, based on an initial build (genetics) and subsequent modifications (experiences). Within some probabilistic range, our every action and thought at any given point in time is deterministic and predictable, based on the state of the neural net at that point, and the outside influences on the neural net at that point. This definitely puts a crimp in everything from love to justice, except as these things are just labels for commonly-shared neural states. In fact, given this rationalistic viewpoint, where would one draw the line between a homo-sapien neural net, and the neural net of what we call an animal, not deserving of "human" considerations? If a machine were developed that exactly simulated a human neural net, would it be privy to all of the same rights and responsibilities as a "person" (which is just an organic form of the same thing)?

Similar to the Catholic Church not being too happy with Galileo suggesting that the world is not actually the center of the solar system, I think most people are not too happy with a purely rationalist approach to human existence, since this would imply that there really isn't a "reason" for our existence; there is not a non-quantifiable "soul" that makes humans any different from other animals, or non-organic versions of the same structure. I must admit, I am not too happy with this conclusion, either, but *rationally* it does make sense.

- DB

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I think you are right to point out that a need for meaning is a central facet in the popularity of religion. From Nietzsche and Dostoevsky down to Sartre and Camus, the whole Existentialist line of philosophy has addressed this question: In a rationalist world devoid of ultimate meaning, where does man find purpose, meaning and fulfillment? Nietzsche, Camus, Sartre, Heidegger and most of the modern folks to address this question have come down with secular answers, although Kierkegaard came up with a scheme that sort of reverts back to religious faith.

I think the will to live and the desire for meaning are just two, among many reasons, people are attracted by religion. I think another primary reason for the popularity of religion is that it is a very comfortable and easy framework for people: it doesn't require a lot of thought, and it is much more comforting than a world without a personal god. Given a choice between weighing difficult, ponderous questions in an indifferent universe and taking pleasant answers on faith, most people will opt for the easy path. The same is true of politics and most organizations, most people prefer being told what to do by someone who takes care of them, rather than being truly free but having the responsibility and work of having to manage themselves. It's just a facet of human nature that separates the few from the many.

I like your points about a soul, and also think the answer has to lie in the negative: man isn't fundamentally different from animals. Humans are highly adaptable and intelligent animals, but we often fall victim to the conceit that humans represent the "top of the evolutionary pyramid" rather than a branch in the evolutionary tree. Just about every behavior or trait in the past that we considered comprising "our humanity" has been shown in the past 50 years (many just recently) to be shared with one or more species. Or put another way, the gap between the smartest human and dumbest human appears to be broader than the gap between the dumbest human and the smartest chimp.

I always thought one of the great paradoxical questions for Christianity was this: Do pets have a soul? For example, if your dog has no soul, he doesn't go to heaven (or hell) when he dies, his existence just extinguishes. Therefore, "life" isn't dependent on a soul. Life is merely a biomechanical process. Alternatively, if pets do have a soul, then presumably that soul "goes somewhere" upon the cessation of bodily activity. So, if your pet has a soul it goes to heaven. But if the distinction for people as to who goes to heaven, and who goes to hell is based on volitional acts, then where does that leave dogs or cats, who can't make informed rational choices? How about mentally disabled people, infants, or the insane? Are they exempt from the requirement of moral judgment in determining whether they spend an eternity of delight or suffering? And if you draw a distinction somewhere between the imbeciles and the rational beings, where do you draw that distinction? And of course, if these folks can't help being grossly ignorant, what about folks who are slightly ignorant? Does being born "dumb" mean you have unfortunately been born to a position in the world where you face a higher probability of eternal damnation based on poor moral choices (either due to lack of education or proper thoughtfulness)? Finally, if you are "lucky" enough to be born as an intelligent human being, your soul has a disproportionally higher chance of being condemned to hell (let's say 50/50 just to pick a number), than a being born with (or dying with) an "idiot soul" that has a 0% chance of eternal damnation. Doesn't seem very fair coming from an all-powerful and loving supreme being does it? Of course, you could suggest there is no hell--but that sort of undermines all the ethical imperatives of the Bible, doesn't it?

So which is it? Life isn't based on a soul, or souls exist, but in a cruelly rigged game?
(Hey, I'm an atheist attorney, I'm allowed to play Devil's Advocate.) ;-)

- MV

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Let me preface this by saying: "You can't sway the faithful through intellect, and a man of intellect does not bow to faith." I'm not sure who said that originally, but my old man said it last week.

Anyway, your preacher or priest buddy structures his argument in the form of an ad hominem attack (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem ) mixed with distortions of what I actually said. In other words, he believes he can make his point by attacking me, misquoting me, and dwelling on minute details of my email rather than debating the truth of the premises and logic of the conclusions I offered.

Lest any of you think I completely fabricated my off-the-cuff email (which admittedly was done with the aid of a trukey sandwich as my only reference tool) here is my response:

He states: "It is too bad that all the points that he makes is based on fallacies." For a quick review of what a logical fallacy is, see here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logical_fallacy He states: "First he says that the current English translations of the New Testament are a translation of a translation of a translation. Incorrect!" Some are based on Greek, some on the Latin Vulgate. Generally, the Catholic versions rely more on the Latin translations. See here for more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bible_translationsThis ignores my underlying point that Christians are imposing moral judgments on others, and engaging very actively in politics on the basis of a philosophical text that relies on subtle shades of meaning and is at least two layers removed from its source language. He states: "Second he says that no one in first century Israel spoke Greek. Incorrect!" Actually, I said, Jesus spoke (i.e. conducted his ministry and delivered his sermons) in Aramaic. And, that it wasn't remotely realistic any of the peasants in Galilee who heard him first-hand could write in Greek. The language of the Roman Empire was Latin. The language in Galilee was Aramaic. Literacy in Latin was in the single digits. Ditto for literacy in Greek. Speaking a few words for mercantile activities is much different than being able to write in a language.I can order a burrito or a beer in Spanish, but that is not equivalent to me dictating "Don Quixote." Basing life decisions on the double or triple translations of others is risky. He states: "As far as the Aramaic word for wood being the same as wise sounds a little out there to me." See: Elaine Pagels, The Origin of Satan, copyright 1995.That's Dr. Elaine Pagels, PhD., Professor of Religion, Harvard University, wife of noted atomic physicist Heinz Pagels.She was on the team that translated the Gnostic Gospels found at Nag Hammadi in Egypt in 1945, a collection of first-century gospels of Jesus that paint a very different picture from the gospels included in current bibles.She is a recipient of the National Book Award and the MacArthur Foundation Fellowship. He states: "Third, Jesus being an historical figure. Too long a debate. I will just say that anyone who says that Jesus was not a historical figure doesn’t knowhow to read history." The only existing historical accounts we have date from the late-first century and decsribe Jesus after-the-fact. As I pointed out, there is no direct historical evidence, no contemporary accounts, only later anecdotal evidence and this raises a question of fact. Perhaps I don't know "how to read history", but I fail to see how second-hand accounts written decades later demonstrates definitive proof that someone was a historical figure. Finally, he states in regards to my digression on Revelations: "This thing about 666. Every one knows that it matches Nero Caesar. But it was never 616. That doesn’t even make sensewith Biblical numerology."The earliest manuscript of Revelations reads, "616". This manuscript was found in Egypt in 1895. It is known as the Oxyrynchus Papyrii. See here for more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_of_the_Beast_(numerology)#Alternative_numbers

-MV

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Very thoughtful and provoking contributions. I've enjoyed reading them. A couple things came to mind as a read through your comments:

1. I agree with DB that the search for meaning is a big part of the motivation behind a person looking for (and sometimes finding) god. But I think that the baseline question that starts this search is, "where did I come from"? Could someone as brilliant and insightful as MV have simply evolved from a blob of murky single celled organisms? For many, this is a difficult proposition to accept. For those of us who know him, not so much.... This question is asked in big picture existential terms, as well as the more mundane questions about one's family tree. Understanding where we come from is the baseline for finding meaning for our lives. This is where most of the great religions start - with a story about how life began. Personally I don't think Science or Religion have offered very satisfying answers to this question. The bottom line is that we have a general idea and some experiential evidence that give us some rough ideas and general theories, but in historic terms, we are never going to really know who the proverbial mother and father of the human race are or were. Some are comfortable with this, many are not.

2. I tend to agree with a lot of what MV said, but I think you've cast very broad nets around modern western religious thoughts. There are a number of "Christian" movements (though no formal church is likely to recognize them) that focus their studies and principles on the life of Jesus, thus focusing on books in the bible that are accounts of Jesus' life and maybe the book of Acts. The fascinating thing about these movements is that if you were just to observe some of the people you might mistake them for Buddhists. There's a group of aged hippies in Chicago called the "Jesus People". Essentially they are just trying to live out that bumper sticker "what would Jesus do". They talk about the Kingdom of God (heaven) as being here on earth - which is something that Jesus said. And this is right up the Buddhist alley. I find this particularly interesting because the way these people behave is quite different from the way most "Christians" actually behave or even from how they would say you should behave. I realize this is a bit of a tangent, but to bring it back around, I think that after we've asked the question "where did we come from", the next question that is asked is "where do we go from here". As you both have pointed out, many people want to be told what to do. Others at least want some sort of a roadmap or barometer to know whether they are a "good" person or whether they are doing what is "right".

So, now I'm curious what you guys think about the concept of being "good" or "right". Absent a religious (for lack of a better word) framework, how does a society establish what is good or what is right?

-P

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It is interesting that you bring up the question of what is "good", or in general terms, ethics. This is what I briefly alluded to when I was saying that the absence of a non-quantifiable dimension to human actions (i.e soul) means that all of one's actions and thoughts are purely deterministic, based on their neural net's initial build (genetics) and subsequent modifications (environmental influences). Even if you get into quantum theory when discussing why neurons fire at certain times, it is still ultimately quantifiable and deterministic, within a range of probability.

So, one might ask, how can a person be punished by our legal system for a given act, when they were virtually guaranteed to do that act at that time? And, to your question, people often will ask why they need to worry about "ethics" at all, if there is no higher power or ultimate justice.

Unfortunately, while I do admit to trying to prove otherwise, and I would love to hear a counter-argument, neither of these questions in any way imply the existence of a higher power, nor, as a side note, do they prove some sort of contradiction between a civil society and a rationalist (deterministic) viewpoint.

To address the first question, of a legal system imposing various forms of restriction upon those that do not follow the legal system's rules, I think that the important distinction is how this restriction is viewed. We typically use the term "punishment" because this is a carryover from the religious viewpoint. Obviously, a morally-charged thing like "punishment" is not appropriate, if everyone's actions are deterministic. However, what is really happening is not a moral "punishment", but behavior modification via environmental influence (a fee, etc), or in the extreme, removal from society (jail) of the individual that is not conforming to what has been commonly agreed to be the rules, by the other participants in the group. The person not conforming is not "bad", they are just a digression from the behavior path of the average, that the average wishes to correct (or remove). This societal behavior is seen very plainly at the micro level when one disciplines (or rewards) a little child (or even an animal). No one thinks that a very small child (or dog) is ethically "bad", deserving of "punishment", they just think that their child (or dog) needs to learn how to follow the "rules" (which, despite common themes, are often pretty arbitrary, depending on time and place).

This leads to the second issue that I raised above - that people tend to use the initial conclusions of rationalist thought (that our behavior does not have a non-deterministic origin) to state that everyone can behave as they please, because there are no big-picture consequences (and besides, one is pre-determined to act that way anyway based on their genetics and environment). This is not a logical argument at all. Think of something simple like eating. You are genetically programmed to want to eat, and you are further programmed by genetics and environment to want to eat certain things at certain times, and even to have certain tastes, down to the level of preferring a certain variety of fermented grapes over another variety, as an example. While you might be able to perform the action of not-eating, depending on the genes that determine "willpower", your body is chemically rewarded for satisfying these urges. Over the long term, some initially rewarding urges (like alcohol consumption), are not rewarding, and so people perform actions that might seem self-restrictive, because these seemingly self-restrictive actions are ultimately rewarding. So, while each individual action is deterministic based on one's neural net at that point ("craving" chocolate; "thinking" healthy, "remembering" the last hangover, etc), the aggregate of actions is based on what is perceived as being rewarding over the long term (except, of course, for those who are programmed to think only in the short term). This behavior can be extrapolated out to all sorts of actions, including what we perceive as "ethics". Individuals who behave according to commonly agreed "ethical" rules (not lying, cheating, etc), tend to end up self-rewarding for these behaviors (sense of well being, beneficial actions from other individuals in the society, etc), and these rewards can in turn even have physical benefits (longer life, etc).

So, a rationalist (deterministic) perspective of humanity does not in any way negate what is commonly called "ethics", it just provides a different explanation for them.

-- DB

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As to point #1, science does not offer a comprehensive description of the origins of life or the universe. It is possible it never will. However, I think the key question in this regard is what sort of tools do you employ to answer this question--mystical speculation or measured, verifiable methods? Perhaps more importantly, given that many fundamental questions about life are unanswered, is it necessary to have the answers? For example, while it is quite interesting to know where I came from, I can live and die without this knowledge. The core of Buddhist teachings (and to an extent Hindu teachings) dwells on this--the futility of metaphysical speculation. However, as both you and DB have pointed out, questions of meaning and of ethics are both areas where arriving at some kind of answer is significantly more pressing.

Which brings me to point #2; you are correct in saying I have painted "Christianity" with a broad brush. My statements have been generalizations. And I definitely agree with you that Jesus' ethical teachings bear a great deal of resemblance to Buddha's ethical teachings. There are two explanations for this: 1. These are universal principles, that great thinkers have discovered and taught to others in different times, places, and cultures; or 2. That Jesus was influenced by Buddhism. (In my original email I made reference to the scrolls of the Hemis Monastery which disappeared around 1939. Whether one puts any credence in the accounts or not, the story basically goes like this: A scroll in a northern Indian monastery was encountered by a Russian explorer in the late 19th century and seen by various other individuals up until 1939 which purported to describe Jesus as having taught in India prior to returning to Palestine. Our gospel accounts have a gap in the narrative from age 12 to age 30 of Jesus' life, so this fuels speculation by those who find these accounts credible. I'm dubious myself, but it is an interesting concept.)

So, I agree that there is a difference between the ethical teachings of Jesus and Christianity, because Christianity also involves a claim of divinity, various supernatural powers, etc. Personally, I think Jesus probably was a real person in Palestine, that he did profoundly influence a lot of real people during his lifetime, that a good portion of his ethical teachings have come down to us intact, and that his life story had supernatural elements added to it as time went on, such as the assumption of the mythology of the Mithras cult, the connections with the Jewish Messiah, etc.

I also agree strongly, that the most meaningful philosophical question a person faces in life is: How should I live? What is the right way to act?--the fundamental question of what we call ethics. My own view is that good and evil are something of a false dichotomy--one man's good is another man's evil. The better way to phrase the question is to ask, "What is the most ethical way to act?" And this is a question that has to be answered largely in a social context and changes from situation to situation. I don't believe life is so simple that a universal set of rules can be applied to every situation, any more than the words "love" or "God" mean the same thing from one speaker to another. I am also very much in favor of a consequentialist ethics vs. a deontological set of ethics (i.e. consequences are more important than intentions). I think Aristotle hit it on the head 2,500 years when he wrote the Nichomachean Ethics--here's a good article summing up that work if you are not familiar with it: http://www.mala.bc.ca/~johnstoi/introser/aristot.htm


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Well, we've hit on the subject of metaphysics, ontology, and ethics, so perhaps it is only fitting that you bring up free will.

You are right DB, in a partial sense, that in hindsight, all our actions are deterministic, but if we accept quantum physics, the world is not deterministic, but probabilistic, and all future actions are expectations rather than guarantees. So, individual actions are not, by definition, deterministic.

But putting aside this Planck-length hair splitting, the philosopher John Locke also took the view that determinism was irrelevant. He believed the defining feature of free will was that we are free so long as we have the ability to postpone a decision long enough to reflect upon the consequences of a choice. And who would disagree that we are capable of doing that? In a more modern formulation: In order for a choice to be free in any sense that matters, it must be true that the actor could have done otherwise. Then again, this depends on what we mean by "could have" (free will) and "would have" (determinism). Are determinism and free will incompatible, opposite concepts, or do they involve slightly different concepts?

Where this all leads us I think, is into some very paradoxical positions about the ability to philosophize linguistically (for example, if words don't have a one-to-one correspondence with the "real" world, then they aren't very adequate for making precise determinations about the world--Wittgenstein called this "the bewitchment of language" problem); and scientifically speaking, it requires some definition of "time" and "cause and effect" which seem common sense, but as 20th-century experiments in physics demonstrate, are anything but commonsensical or easy to define.

My personal take is that "free will" represents a concept about how we think and is "wrapped up" in a sequential notion of "time." And that "determinism" represents a concept related to cause and effect that is "wrapped up" in a holistic notion of "time." (You may pass the bong to the left as you wish here...)

In any event, imagine for a moment a world where we don't hold people criminally liable for the consequences of their actions, even if their actions are "deterministic"; treating them as the consequences of "free will" is far more socially useful.

And since we started this thread out by talking about religion, here's a thought: If there is a God, and God is the prime mover, omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, how can one sin? Your actions have been predetermined.

And for that matter, if you accept the three premises above regarding an all-powerful God, and assume a fourth premise, that he is good, then the logical conclusion is that evil cannot exist.

Just a thought...

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This reminds me of a debate I attended about 10 years ago between a UW professor and "touring" Christian scientist who traveled the country and tried to sell Christianity in new shiny scientific packaging.

The UW professor's overall premise was that God, in its Judeo-Christian definition, can not exist. The notion that God is omniscient (all knowing), omnipotent (all powerful), and omnibenevolent (all loving) conflicts with the real world we live in. Most notably, all the "evil" and suffering that we witness everyday. Surely a god with all 3 of those attributes could find a way around this mess. The rebuttal was that the evil and suffering were intentional in order to "teach" people something or provide contrast so that we may recognize goodness and joy in comparison. Of course, the thinking man's response to this would be, again, that a god with all 3 of those attributes could & would fine a way to teach those same lessons without mass suffering.

I haven't slept well the past 3 nights and I couldn't even remember my own address a few minutes ago so I'll keep this brief. Thanks for all the excellent thoughts and taking the time (for which I'm too lazy & dull) to write it all down. I don't get much intellectual stimulation these days. By the way, I'm documenting and organizing all these threads. Maybe I'll send them back out in a few years and start this dialogue all over again.