Transition

Well, I'm almost done with MAXOStudio's main site. I should have the tutorials and the robots/indexing issues ironed out by the end of the week. I guess I've been feeling a bit sentimetal about this project since my next long term gig is going to be an ASP.NET project in C#. Saying goodbye to my old trusty friend, ColdFusion, will not be easy. Afterall, it was he who gave me my start and confidence in this industry over a decade ago. "Coldy" as I like to affectionately call him, has never let me down. No matter what clients ask for, Coldy's always there, with clean, concise solutions. "Don't worry Ardi.", he'd say. "Here's an easy and elegant way to get the job done." After the rollout of MX and the Mach-ii framework, ColdFusion beat the bad rap it had in the past of not being Object Oriented enough.

Conversely, I'm finding C# to be exremely non intuitive and code intensive. I find it ironic that C# tries to condense basic functionalites into meaninless symbols (i.e ! for NOT, ++ or += for increments, { for blocks, etc) and yet when it comes to the object oriented portion of the code (classes & objects) as well as the modular portion (methods, properties, overloading, etc.) it requires exponentially more lines of code just to create a basic object with a few properties and methods. Let's give credit where credit is due. C# does have great features and immense horse power. No doubt about it. But I think when it comes to be being concise, elegant, readable, and self-documenting it is sorely lacking. I really wish the project could have been in VB.NET. Even that seems to have an edge over C#. But sadly, I'm making my living in Microsofts back yard. They've been spreading the C# virus pretty heavily here in the Northwest. I've been fighting the deamons for 5 years now and refusing to give in to the dark side. But like most mortals, I had my price and eventually I was bought off with the rest of them. Having kids can do strange things to your principles.

Speaking of kids and principles .... I've been feeling a bit strange about my upcoming trip to Thailand with Matty "Matso" & Mack "Diesel". I'm a good dad, I provide for and take care of my kids. I manage to keep their mom happy too. But no matter how hard I look, I don't see any other dads taking a few weeks off to travel the globe, scuba dive, surf, hike, etc. I sway back and forth between feeling like a fortunate renaissance man who's really got his shit together and an immature selfish dad who refuses to grow and change and be a "real" father (whatever that means). Regardless, these doubts and feelings of guilt often creep up at the most unfortunate times and manage to ruin the brief episodes of fun and freedom that I do manage to eek out for myself.

My volleyball partner couldn't show up for our game last night so he called an old-school legend had him sub in for him. This guy used to be an amazing player. But now he's 30 pounds over weight and fairly out of shape (he still played 10 times better than I did). Although he lamented his diminished skills and fitness, he was prefectly content to blame it on his 3 kids. As if that made it OK and natural.

I don't think I need therapy. I think what I really need is a role model or at least a peer. I need to see another dad having some fun and being responsible at the same time. Just to show me that it is at least "theoretically" possible even if realistically rare and difficult.