Stickin' It To The Man

I had back to back traffic hearings yesterday and today. Both tickets were issued at the same exact stop sign in my sleepy neighborhood. Both cases were dismissed but for different reasons. I actually had to duke it out with a real prosecutor (first time in over 30 hearings) in the 2nd one. My friends think I should get legal insurance for $17 a month and not worry about traffic tickets. Maybe some day I will but right now beating these chicken-shit bastards at their own game feels better than sex.

I had the first case dismissed due to untimely discovery (IRLJ 3.1). For the 2nd one the discovery motion was denied due to slightly varying circumstances and I didn't even bother with plan B because it wouldn't have worked with a real prosecutor present. So I fell back on plan C and actually showed them photos of the intersection, the curved cross-street, the big bush in the corner, and the stop sign and stop line that are yards apart. All of which combined into a BS story that even Max would not have believed but somehow it worked and I got the case dropped.

Although I probably fight and beat anywhere from 2 or 3 tickets a year for the past 15 years I have not actually had to testify and convince the judge I was innocent since college. I usually just make a motion for dismissal and get the case dropped due to some technicality which is only slightly lamer than the technicality that landed me in court in the first place.

It all feels like a cowardly game of chess for idiots. I get a ticket for something ridiculous like rolling through a stop sign at 5 miles per hour and then go to court and get the case dropped because some piece of paper was filed or sent out 2 days late. In the meantime, the cops time, my time, and the tax payers money goes down the poop chute.

Anyhick, the intense level of police activity around this tired, low-traffic intersection is only due to the fact the sheriff lives down the street. I hate cops. A good friend of mine, real sweet kid from college, became a cop and had a nervous breakdown after 6 months. He was just too nice. I don't know how I'd ever reconcile getting close to one in real life. I usually ignore or minimize the conversation with the 1/2 dozen cops in my gym. The news is rampant with stories of police abuse on a daily basis and that's only the 0.01% of the incidents that are lucky enough to get captured on camera and reported by the media.

Anyway, I'm rambling. In summary, cops suck, traffic law is for morons, and I rock. ArdAtak OUT !