I’m not sure when it happened. I stopped taking notes. My writer’s eye, the one that tries to remember everything for future retelling closed up. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’ve been flowing through life enjoying myself and not caring about much. I am no longer tired. But my heart is still true. It always will be.
I will try to remember everything to the best of my ability but forgive me if this ends up sounding like an uninspired middle school essay on “What did you do this summer?”
When I finished the last blog, the fellas were coming to pick me up so we can go out at night for the first time since we got to Flo. We weren’t really in the mood for turbo club action so we just hit the center of the local beach town and hung at the main intersection drinking beers and chatting with the locals. I ran into some guys that we had met on the south side of the Island. They had both lived and worked in the US before. One as a student in SanFran. The other as a ski lift operator in Utah. They were very cool. We discussed some cultural nuances of Brazil and America and they taught me some Portuguese. Most importantly “Grilled Chicken with Veggies” the most important survival phrase for me when I travel.
Funny incident from that night … while I was talking to my new friends in the street, the fellas went to a bar to get some drinks. I guess Paul asked a girl in Portuguese if she spoke English to which she replied in a very loud and annoyed fashion: “NO !!!”.
They told me the story later. A few hours later as we walk by with our new friends laughing and having a great time I see them sitting at the same exact table. Still alone. Still with no one to talk to. Poetic justice. I’ve tried to be as open as I can this trip and savor every new person I meet.
The next day we drive to the north coast. Jurrere. There is a day club there, P12, which is more amazing than anything in Vegas or even Ibiza when I was there 10 years ago. Paul’s local friend Benia works in an advertising agency that handles all the print and media for the major clubs around here and she had hooked us up with free passes. We also make friends with the manager Anna who is extremely classy and cool. Benia and her friend George meet us there. We also meet a few other promoters. It’s an off day at P12 since it really only pops on weekends but it’s a good opportunity to make friends and contacts. We have a fun, laid-back time and later Benia and George show us Mark’s house and take us to the Pharmacy for some ass medicine for Matt
By the way, on our way out of P12 Paul, who had pounded a few drinks leans into Anna’s ear and whispers one word. “Sexy”. It made me cringe. She had been so kind and classy. I really hoped that Paul had not offended her. Future visits to P12 proved me wrong. I guess a brother can go far with movie star good looks, a #5 smile, and little bit of confidence. Anna continued to treat us 1st class.
We drive home after dark and have to hurry since we’re going out with Reno to El Divino. It’s an amazing club. I get sweated at the door for having on a sleeveless shirt so I have to find our vale’d car a few blocks away and get another shirt out of it. It was a huge hassle but Matt and Benia who had met us there helped out. Once again, Benia came through and not only helped with the valet situation but also got us in. Reno had a nice VIP section reserved. I’ve always been fundamentally against the VIP concept at clubs. What’s the point of going out to a social function only to then isolate yourself from the crowd. I like to talk, dance, mingle, and just roam. I also can’t stand people who get their sense of worth or a good time from a velvet rope. Nonetheless, it’s a great time all around and we go home late but happy. Sadly, Kelly stayed home sick. We told him he didn’t miss much. We lied.
The next day was a fog. I can’t recall much. I get on the bikes with Matty and we go get some food and try to sleep a bit on the beach. Later he run errands while I read and then we get some health food at DNA in Lagoa. We try to watch “No Country for Old Men” on his laptop and fall asleep after the first 10 minutes.
Saturday we go back to P12 and enjoy the fact that Kelly is finally well enough to go out with us. We get him wasted which probably wasn’t a good idea. I stay dead sober and enjoy the antics of my loaded friends as I drive them home after dark. Life’s good. We meet some friends for Tai food and go to bed early.
Sunday is the big house music day at P12 and it’s OFF THE CHAIN. World class DJ’s. Best day of the trip by far. We meet Australians, Argentineans, Brits, and people from every corner of the globe. We also run into our American friend Mike who’s like a mini-Colin and stands out a bit due to his height and decent fitness. At this point Kelly is dominating the party much like Mack dominated the dive in Koh Tao (if you don’t know about that … sorry). Paul is kind of a big deal and Matt is on cloud 99. Paul has strangers coming up to him and wanting to take pictures with him. Matt’s beating his chest like a silver back in heat and the fans love it. I walk around with no ego for I am one with the people. I have a lot of fun talking to different folks and dancing. As the great philosopher Jeff Larson once said: “I’m the shit.”
The next day Matt and I go to Barra De Lagoa for some competitive volleyball. We’re disappointed with the quality of the competition but since Matt can’t jump due to his knee the games remain close. My competitive side comes out and Matt tells me I’m being a dick and he’s probably right. We go to bed early.
The next day turns out to be pretty epic. We go to the sand dunes of Joaquina for some sand surfing but it’s raining and you can’t really slide on wet sand. We’re not too disappointed since it would have just amounted to snow boarding down bunny slopes but still worth the experience. So Matt and I surf instead while Paul and Kelly eat and check the internet. Next, we hit Campeche beach and realize it’s time to finalize our tickets home.
There’s one thing that had been a source of uneasiness for me this entire trip. I could stay ‘til the 27th but my friends had to leave around a week sooner. I kept trying to convince them to stay longer but it seemed in vain. I considered staying alone or with the many friends we’ve made but I got really depressed when I did that in Thailand and didn’t want to feel that way again. That evening when Paul checks the loads for standby flights he discovers that no one can leave until the 24th. I’m ecstatic. Paul copes with the news. Matt’s non-pulsed. Kelly is devastated. But I know what’s best for him and assure him he’ll be glad this happened by the time he’s on his deathbed. (Which may very well have been the bed he was laying in as we spoke.) That’s just kind of bastard I am. Turns out I was right.
The next day we’re back at Barra De Lagoa. The competition is better and Matt and I play late. We tell the fellas to take the car home. We’ll figure out our ride. By the time we’re done my back’s hurting. We eat a whole chicken with our bare hands out of a paper bag in a dark desolate bus stop. Matt buys me Smirnoff and carry’s my bag again since my back’s wrecked. I cherished the decrepit meal in the jacked bus stop for, once again, it’s something only the closest of brothers can share with no pretension.
The next day is a lazy day at our local beach, Praia Mole. Matt, Kelly, and I decide to walk to the rock formations at the end of the beach and take pictures. It requires us to walk through a strongly gay area of the beach. Amusing but no big deal. When we get there, we find out that Kelly’s camera is out of batteries, again, and we have to hike back through gayland, again. When we get back to our bags which were being watched by some friends we run into Paul. Now he have to hump back through homoville again, this time with our trophy new boyfriend. We take some amazing pics. Kelly and I continue hiking over the hill to the next beach and it’s wondrous. Pictures from our crappy cameras will not do it justice. It’s also a nude beach which causes Kelly to sprint out of this killer frame I had set up because some naked guy came to within 15 yards of him. Lost a bit of respect for him on that move. On the way back we meet the first and only cool Americans we’ve met the whole trip (the only other one was a fat, drunk, obnoxious girl from Atlanta at P12). We eat at a cool beach bar with nice beats and watch the sun go down. I had met the DJ earlier that day through a friend and he wanted to give me a CD.
We got home and I took a shower earlier than the rest of the crew so I though I’d write this while they got ready. We’re going to Conferia for some house music tonight. Be safe and keep it sexy.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Brazil - Part II: Tears in the Sand
I am tired.
My heart is true.
- Dave Eggers
Third world travel can be strange. There is almost no other time in life with manic ups and downs, euphoric highs, and heartbreaking lows so closely squeezed in together. Like sardines in a can the good times and the bad seem to line up right next to each other with very little room for neutral emotions or insignificant downtime.
Injuries, food poisoning, accidents, and heartache go hand in hand with the joy of discovering new things, places, people, & music. Sadness and joy, like fraternal twins, wear different faces but are never too far from each other and are born from the same parents, hope & expectation. (My brother once said "When you travel, expectation is a bitch.")
But what’s felt often fades with time while what’s done (what happens) lasts forever. One of the greatest quotes I’ve heard is from my friend Marty. We were looking over some pictures from a Vegas trip and he said: “You know that was a great trip … even when we thought we weren’t having fun we really were.” And that is so true. I just spent 24 hours with food poisoning (more on that shortly) fading in and out of delirium, puking, and painting the bowl. But I’m pretty sure in 6 months I’d give my left nut to be back in Florianopolis taking turns puking and laughing with Matt. Any time one of us is playing poorly we just remind each other, “Hey, your worst day at the beach is better than your best day at the office.”
And so it is, fair reader, that the last few days have been a whirlwind of ups and downs. It took me 3 attempts in 2 days just to type these first few paragraphs. If I was to heavily plagiarize “Gym Class Heroes” and write a poem about what my life’s been like lately (or … let’s be honest … what I WISH my life was like) it would be something like this:
Cheezy Poem
P.S. That’s just a hacked poem so please don’t take every verse literally. I think you all know the portions that do and don’t apply
OK enough with reflection. Let’s get back to facts and events. I would also like to make 2 things perfectly clear before I go on:
1) I will roast and make a lot of jokes at my friends’ expense but It’s all in good fun and ball busting. I wouldn’t travel across the world with ANYONE who I didn’t have 100% faith, respect, and love for. I was told that some of the stuff I wrote in the last blog was offensive to some so I want to publicly apologize right now.
2) Despite what you are about to read, we are all 4, at this moment, in perfect health and spirits so please don’t be concerned.
Moving on …. When we last left our heroes, they were sitting in a hotel room in Rio doing shots while the sexy one was wrapping up his blog. Once the fellas were ready we took a cab to Lapa, the historical district in Rio. This area was very poor and extra sketchy late at night. There was one lively alley where some folks were selling their art and booze. We hung out there for a while, checking out art and chatting with the locals. Matt seems to be a magnet for drunk people with bad breath who think he understands what they’re saying. Paul and Matt got their portrait done together, eternally linking their souls in a bad replica of two guys looking like a young Kirk Russell and that cheese dick from “The fast and the furious”.
Afterwards we accidentally ended up at a gay bar where Kelly seemed to finally smile for the first time and Matt showed everyone what a skilled meat gazer he truly is. Totally kidding. But Paul really did have his picture taken with a tranny. It was worth the laughs.
Random Side Note: Paul's facebook status the next day read as follows … “Paul is putting on some CockBlock SPF 45 for extra protection.” He claims he didn’t do it. The culprit remains at large.
Anyhomo, the next day was very laid back. We spent the whole day lounging at the beach. Matt and I found a huge sand dune created by the digging of a waterway between Ipanema beach and the lagoon behind it. We did some sprint drills up the dune. It was awesome. Then some local kids tried to race us and of course we all know who won. To make up for coming in 2nd, Matt did a front flip off the top of the dunes and kids got a kick out of it. (FYI, Matt’s knee has been jacked this whole trip). We also did some peppering and drills and threw the football around with Kelly. Paul was photographed passed out next to Eric Schaeffer’s book “I can’t believe I’m still single”. It’s a hilarious photo. (Editors Note: Paul claims that he can “totally” believe why he’s single”)
Anyhorny, as the sun was setting we figured it was time to GTF outa dodge. We went back to the hotel, called GOL airlines and booked some tickets to Flo for 10:40 a.m. the next day. The plan was to figure out where we’re staying once we got there. Paul suggested trying to find a house so I emailed a guy I had corresponded with a few weeks earlier. Luckily he replied back that the had a condo available for us. VERY lucky. Paul also suggested that we reserve a car so we hooked that up as well. Once it looked like everything was settled we decided to take a brief stroll to Copa Cabana beach (home to one of my heroes, Jose Loyola) and go to bed early since we had the morning flight. Big mistake. We stopped to eat at a place that looked fairly respectable but the food was atrocious. It’s been almost 48 hours since that moment and I’m gagging recalling the event. Kelly was on 2 painkillers and very funny. Also, Matt attracted more drunk people with bad breath who thought he understood them. The boy’s a hobo magnet. Kinda like how Kelly is a chick magnet. Or how Paul’s a tranny magnet.
That night was hell. I had to stay up late to finalize all the details for our house and car. Meanwhile, Matt was so sick that he turned off the AC and put on his fleece while he prayed to the porcelain gods every few minutes and I was sweating my ass off. Trying to coordinate everything at 3:00 am with food poisoning and having to get up at 7:00 am was not fun. I never really told the guys how much that sucked but it did. The only upside was that they were all very appreciative and thankful when we arrived and that made it all worthwhile.
We somehow manage to get our act together in the morning and pack, check out, jump in a cab, and go to the airport. Matt was VERY VERY sick. I was not as bad but also felt pretty shitty. Paul and Kelly seemed OK. We still kept our gallows humor about us and made it through the place although Matt would just fall asleep everywhere we stopped and he constantly needed a plastic bag nearby to vomit in. I carried his stuff and woke him up every time we needed to move.
Important Side Note: Despite how well and how long I’ve known Matt, I am absolutely blown away but the way he can quietly take his pain, suffer through his daemons, and not utter the slightest complain. If I was a girl, I think I’d find this one of the most attractive qualities in a man.
Kelly has got to be the most flexible and non-judgemental guy I’ve been around. He is low maintenance and has a great sense of humor. I can definitely get deep with him and his concise insights always impress and entertain me. Sometimes I feel like I’m harsh with him but it’s the brotherly crassness that’s bread from comfort, trust, and familiarity.
Also, as much as I like to bust his balls, Paul’s a great road dog. He is the eternal optimist and enthusiastic traveler. He’s very good at thinking things through 3 or 4 steps ahead and predicting consequences other wouldn’t think of until it’s too late. I’ve been to more places with him than anyone else and there’s a good reason for that. I’m not sure what that reason is but I’ll let you know when I figure it out.
Once we land in Flo we meet our car guy at the airport and take off in our Volkswagen GOL. We meet Reno who is sort of a semi-concierge. He’s a former pro surfer who lives in one of the condos here and helps the visitors with everything from car & motorcycle rentals, to cell phones, guides, translators, reservations, and everything else. We quickly bond since he’s about our age and temperament and even make plans to go out in a couple of nights. He’s a first class dude and we’re lucky to have him on our side.
Our day of arrival is a long and painful blur. Once we check in we take turns sleeping, puking, shitting, etc. I faded in and out of sleep and slept for over 12 hours. Paul said it was 16 but I have no idea when I fell asleep or when I woke up.
Funny Dialogue
ARDI: I feel bad. I had to take a Valium last night to fall asleep. I don’t like taking stuff like that.”
PAUL: I know. I wanted to take a drooler (sleeping pill) but I kept falling asleep before I could take it.
At this point (before the long sleep) my mind is cannibalizing itself. On top of the illness and sleep deprivation I’m also spinning into a surreal depression since I can see my long awaited vacation wasting away and going nowhere. I’m wondering if it’s all happening because of bad luck or have I done something, or worse, become someone, to deserve this. (All that went away the next morning).
I’m dreaming. Walking through a never ending airport terminal. It's the outdoor kind in the tradition of Thai Islands. No matter how fast I walk everyone is passing me and I know I'm going to miss my flight. Where are my bags? I see Paul and Kelly carrying a suitcase with Matt in it. When I open the suitcase all the way I see that it’s only the top of Matt’s head (scalp) and the rest of him is not there. I dig through the bag frantically trying to find the rest of him and piece him together. Kelly cries. Paul laughs. I wake up.
It’s 8:00 am. Everyone’s asleep. Even though I feel groggy and weak from having little more than a bowl of fruit for the past 24 hours I decide to go for a run on the beach in hopes of jumpstarting myself. The beach is empty. I run to the end but gas out quickly and walk back physically and emotionally drained. On the way back I see a yellow flag on a pole high above the beach. It instantly reminds me of my childhood on the beaches of the Caspian Sea where I spent the summers at my grandparents villa. They had Green, Red, and Black flags to indicate the danger levels at the beach for swimmers. I suddenly flash back to a picture of a 5 year old me on a horse with my grandfather holding the harness. The last time I saw him was when he came to Houston my senior year in High School. He got to watch me play a hell of a football game against our rival high school and although he didn’t understand the game much he loved to see me run and hear my name called on the PA each time the crowd roared. I am eternally grateful to god for giving him that experience. A few weeks later when I was leaving on a ski trip to New Mexico he cried when we said goodbye. I had never seen this mountain of a man, this rock of integrity shed a tear but he did that day. Later, my mom told me it was because he knew he would never see me again. He was right.
Even though the beach is empty I hide behind an old lifeguard shack so no one can see me cry. I’m there for a while.
When I get back I fix myself a protein shake, take a shower, and fall back asleep. I wake up to the sound of Matt washing dishes. We decide to rent some motorcycles and visit the south side of the island where there is a secret beach only accessible via a 1 hour hike. Kelly drives Matt and I to the bike rental place.
I have an embarrassing confession to make. I never learned how to ride a manual transmission motorcycle. I mean I’ve rode mopeds and scooters before and even a manual moped but never a full on true blue motorcycle. The one time I tried to learn was in the back of Ehben’s mom’s property where I flew into his mom’s flowerpots and damaged the bike and myself. I figured I’d need to learn on a beach or something so I can’t mess anything up. No such luck today. Matt teaches me the fundamentals verbally and I listen intently. The rental place is on a busy street and I feel like I need to look like I know what I’m doing. Basically need to pull away from this place nice and smooth and blend right into the traffic. I trust Matt with my life so I listen to him and it all goes smoothly. They did however, give us the bikes with no gas so we run out of gas 40 yards from the place and Matt has to push his bike back to get a little bit gas so he can make it to the gas station. One of the bikes has a flawed starter but it works so we’re off.
Paul and Kelly drive to the beach while Matt and I follow/lead in our bikes. I quickly get a hang of things just like Matt promised. I finally feel like vacation has begun. Usually, it’s being submerged in the ocean that let’s me know I’m finally “there” but this time, for some reason, it's riding the bikes with Matt and following the boys in the GOL.
We stop for some photos and pick up a hitchhiker with his little daughter. He happens to be going to the same little fishing village where the trailhead to the secret beach starts and he shows us the way.
It was a great hike. In the tradition of all great tropical hikes. You get coated in a nice warm layer of sweat and your joints don’t hurt at all. It rained on us but it was like a warm shower. I liked it. Matt carried my back pack with everyone’s gear to spare my fucked up spine even though he has a fucked up knee himself. How can you not love a guy like that? Once we get to the beach we realize it’s getting dark. Also, Paul has flip-flops on and he’s concerned about trying to make it back in the dark. We try to get a boat to take us back but the last boat is leaving and it’s full. Soooooo we tough it out back to our cars and head home. Kelly rides Matt’s bike back. We all get separated and pretty much get home on our own but within a few minutes of each other.
I take a nice shower and chat with Reno about tonight and tomorrow night. The boys are now at the internet café. I’m home alone typing this since the Portuguese key boards are impossible to use. It would probably take me 3 days to type this. I’m going to save it and upload it later since there’s no internet connectivity here.
We’re finally going to go out tonight to celebrate our health and maybe throw it all away, again. I hear the VW GOL pulling in the driveway. Chao.
My heart is true.
- Dave Eggers
Third world travel can be strange. There is almost no other time in life with manic ups and downs, euphoric highs, and heartbreaking lows so closely squeezed in together. Like sardines in a can the good times and the bad seem to line up right next to each other with very little room for neutral emotions or insignificant downtime.
Injuries, food poisoning, accidents, and heartache go hand in hand with the joy of discovering new things, places, people, & music. Sadness and joy, like fraternal twins, wear different faces but are never too far from each other and are born from the same parents, hope & expectation. (My brother once said "When you travel, expectation is a bitch.")
But what’s felt often fades with time while what’s done (what happens) lasts forever. One of the greatest quotes I’ve heard is from my friend Marty. We were looking over some pictures from a Vegas trip and he said: “You know that was a great trip … even when we thought we weren’t having fun we really were.” And that is so true. I just spent 24 hours with food poisoning (more on that shortly) fading in and out of delirium, puking, and painting the bowl. But I’m pretty sure in 6 months I’d give my left nut to be back in Florianopolis taking turns puking and laughing with Matt. Any time one of us is playing poorly we just remind each other, “Hey, your worst day at the beach is better than your best day at the office.”
And so it is, fair reader, that the last few days have been a whirlwind of ups and downs. It took me 3 attempts in 2 days just to type these first few paragraphs. If I was to heavily plagiarize “Gym Class Heroes” and write a poem about what my life’s been like lately (or … let’s be honest … what I WISH my life was like) it would be something like this:
Cheezy Poem
P.S. That’s just a hacked poem so please don’t take every verse literally. I think you all know the portions that do and don’t apply
OK enough with reflection. Let’s get back to facts and events. I would also like to make 2 things perfectly clear before I go on:
1) I will roast and make a lot of jokes at my friends’ expense but It’s all in good fun and ball busting. I wouldn’t travel across the world with ANYONE who I didn’t have 100% faith, respect, and love for. I was told that some of the stuff I wrote in the last blog was offensive to some so I want to publicly apologize right now.
2) Despite what you are about to read, we are all 4, at this moment, in perfect health and spirits so please don’t be concerned.
Moving on …. When we last left our heroes, they were sitting in a hotel room in Rio doing shots while the sexy one was wrapping up his blog. Once the fellas were ready we took a cab to Lapa, the historical district in Rio. This area was very poor and extra sketchy late at night. There was one lively alley where some folks were selling their art and booze. We hung out there for a while, checking out art and chatting with the locals. Matt seems to be a magnet for drunk people with bad breath who think he understands what they’re saying. Paul and Matt got their portrait done together, eternally linking their souls in a bad replica of two guys looking like a young Kirk Russell and that cheese dick from “The fast and the furious”.
Afterwards we accidentally ended up at a gay bar where Kelly seemed to finally smile for the first time and Matt showed everyone what a skilled meat gazer he truly is. Totally kidding. But Paul really did have his picture taken with a tranny. It was worth the laughs.
Random Side Note: Paul's facebook status the next day read as follows … “Paul is putting on some CockBlock SPF 45 for extra protection.” He claims he didn’t do it. The culprit remains at large.
Anyhomo, the next day was very laid back. We spent the whole day lounging at the beach. Matt and I found a huge sand dune created by the digging of a waterway between Ipanema beach and the lagoon behind it. We did some sprint drills up the dune. It was awesome. Then some local kids tried to race us and of course we all know who won. To make up for coming in 2nd, Matt did a front flip off the top of the dunes and kids got a kick out of it. (FYI, Matt’s knee has been jacked this whole trip). We also did some peppering and drills and threw the football around with Kelly. Paul was photographed passed out next to Eric Schaeffer’s book “I can’t believe I’m still single”. It’s a hilarious photo. (Editors Note: Paul claims that he can “totally” believe why he’s single”)
Anyhorny, as the sun was setting we figured it was time to GTF outa dodge. We went back to the hotel, called GOL airlines and booked some tickets to Flo for 10:40 a.m. the next day. The plan was to figure out where we’re staying once we got there. Paul suggested trying to find a house so I emailed a guy I had corresponded with a few weeks earlier. Luckily he replied back that the had a condo available for us. VERY lucky. Paul also suggested that we reserve a car so we hooked that up as well. Once it looked like everything was settled we decided to take a brief stroll to Copa Cabana beach (home to one of my heroes, Jose Loyola) and go to bed early since we had the morning flight. Big mistake. We stopped to eat at a place that looked fairly respectable but the food was atrocious. It’s been almost 48 hours since that moment and I’m gagging recalling the event. Kelly was on 2 painkillers and very funny. Also, Matt attracted more drunk people with bad breath who thought he understood them. The boy’s a hobo magnet. Kinda like how Kelly is a chick magnet. Or how Paul’s a tranny magnet.
That night was hell. I had to stay up late to finalize all the details for our house and car. Meanwhile, Matt was so sick that he turned off the AC and put on his fleece while he prayed to the porcelain gods every few minutes and I was sweating my ass off. Trying to coordinate everything at 3:00 am with food poisoning and having to get up at 7:00 am was not fun. I never really told the guys how much that sucked but it did. The only upside was that they were all very appreciative and thankful when we arrived and that made it all worthwhile.
We somehow manage to get our act together in the morning and pack, check out, jump in a cab, and go to the airport. Matt was VERY VERY sick. I was not as bad but also felt pretty shitty. Paul and Kelly seemed OK. We still kept our gallows humor about us and made it through the place although Matt would just fall asleep everywhere we stopped and he constantly needed a plastic bag nearby to vomit in. I carried his stuff and woke him up every time we needed to move.
Important Side Note: Despite how well and how long I’ve known Matt, I am absolutely blown away but the way he can quietly take his pain, suffer through his daemons, and not utter the slightest complain. If I was a girl, I think I’d find this one of the most attractive qualities in a man.
Kelly has got to be the most flexible and non-judgemental guy I’ve been around. He is low maintenance and has a great sense of humor. I can definitely get deep with him and his concise insights always impress and entertain me. Sometimes I feel like I’m harsh with him but it’s the brotherly crassness that’s bread from comfort, trust, and familiarity.
Also, as much as I like to bust his balls, Paul’s a great road dog. He is the eternal optimist and enthusiastic traveler. He’s very good at thinking things through 3 or 4 steps ahead and predicting consequences other wouldn’t think of until it’s too late. I’ve been to more places with him than anyone else and there’s a good reason for that. I’m not sure what that reason is but I’ll let you know when I figure it out.
Once we land in Flo we meet our car guy at the airport and take off in our Volkswagen GOL. We meet Reno who is sort of a semi-concierge. He’s a former pro surfer who lives in one of the condos here and helps the visitors with everything from car & motorcycle rentals, to cell phones, guides, translators, reservations, and everything else. We quickly bond since he’s about our age and temperament and even make plans to go out in a couple of nights. He’s a first class dude and we’re lucky to have him on our side.
Our day of arrival is a long and painful blur. Once we check in we take turns sleeping, puking, shitting, etc. I faded in and out of sleep and slept for over 12 hours. Paul said it was 16 but I have no idea when I fell asleep or when I woke up.
Funny Dialogue
ARDI: I feel bad. I had to take a Valium last night to fall asleep. I don’t like taking stuff like that.”
PAUL: I know. I wanted to take a drooler (sleeping pill) but I kept falling asleep before I could take it.
At this point (before the long sleep) my mind is cannibalizing itself. On top of the illness and sleep deprivation I’m also spinning into a surreal depression since I can see my long awaited vacation wasting away and going nowhere. I’m wondering if it’s all happening because of bad luck or have I done something, or worse, become someone, to deserve this. (All that went away the next morning).
I’m dreaming. Walking through a never ending airport terminal. It's the outdoor kind in the tradition of Thai Islands. No matter how fast I walk everyone is passing me and I know I'm going to miss my flight. Where are my bags? I see Paul and Kelly carrying a suitcase with Matt in it. When I open the suitcase all the way I see that it’s only the top of Matt’s head (scalp) and the rest of him is not there. I dig through the bag frantically trying to find the rest of him and piece him together. Kelly cries. Paul laughs. I wake up.
It’s 8:00 am. Everyone’s asleep. Even though I feel groggy and weak from having little more than a bowl of fruit for the past 24 hours I decide to go for a run on the beach in hopes of jumpstarting myself. The beach is empty. I run to the end but gas out quickly and walk back physically and emotionally drained. On the way back I see a yellow flag on a pole high above the beach. It instantly reminds me of my childhood on the beaches of the Caspian Sea where I spent the summers at my grandparents villa. They had Green, Red, and Black flags to indicate the danger levels at the beach for swimmers. I suddenly flash back to a picture of a 5 year old me on a horse with my grandfather holding the harness. The last time I saw him was when he came to Houston my senior year in High School. He got to watch me play a hell of a football game against our rival high school and although he didn’t understand the game much he loved to see me run and hear my name called on the PA each time the crowd roared. I am eternally grateful to god for giving him that experience. A few weeks later when I was leaving on a ski trip to New Mexico he cried when we said goodbye. I had never seen this mountain of a man, this rock of integrity shed a tear but he did that day. Later, my mom told me it was because he knew he would never see me again. He was right.
Even though the beach is empty I hide behind an old lifeguard shack so no one can see me cry. I’m there for a while.
When I get back I fix myself a protein shake, take a shower, and fall back asleep. I wake up to the sound of Matt washing dishes. We decide to rent some motorcycles and visit the south side of the island where there is a secret beach only accessible via a 1 hour hike. Kelly drives Matt and I to the bike rental place.
I have an embarrassing confession to make. I never learned how to ride a manual transmission motorcycle. I mean I’ve rode mopeds and scooters before and even a manual moped but never a full on true blue motorcycle. The one time I tried to learn was in the back of Ehben’s mom’s property where I flew into his mom’s flowerpots and damaged the bike and myself. I figured I’d need to learn on a beach or something so I can’t mess anything up. No such luck today. Matt teaches me the fundamentals verbally and I listen intently. The rental place is on a busy street and I feel like I need to look like I know what I’m doing. Basically need to pull away from this place nice and smooth and blend right into the traffic. I trust Matt with my life so I listen to him and it all goes smoothly. They did however, give us the bikes with no gas so we run out of gas 40 yards from the place and Matt has to push his bike back to get a little bit gas so he can make it to the gas station. One of the bikes has a flawed starter but it works so we’re off.
Paul and Kelly drive to the beach while Matt and I follow/lead in our bikes. I quickly get a hang of things just like Matt promised. I finally feel like vacation has begun. Usually, it’s being submerged in the ocean that let’s me know I’m finally “there” but this time, for some reason, it's riding the bikes with Matt and following the boys in the GOL.
We stop for some photos and pick up a hitchhiker with his little daughter. He happens to be going to the same little fishing village where the trailhead to the secret beach starts and he shows us the way.
It was a great hike. In the tradition of all great tropical hikes. You get coated in a nice warm layer of sweat and your joints don’t hurt at all. It rained on us but it was like a warm shower. I liked it. Matt carried my back pack with everyone’s gear to spare my fucked up spine even though he has a fucked up knee himself. How can you not love a guy like that? Once we get to the beach we realize it’s getting dark. Also, Paul has flip-flops on and he’s concerned about trying to make it back in the dark. We try to get a boat to take us back but the last boat is leaving and it’s full. Soooooo we tough it out back to our cars and head home. Kelly rides Matt’s bike back. We all get separated and pretty much get home on our own but within a few minutes of each other.
I take a nice shower and chat with Reno about tonight and tomorrow night. The boys are now at the internet café. I’m home alone typing this since the Portuguese key boards are impossible to use. It would probably take me 3 days to type this. I’m going to save it and upload it later since there’s no internet connectivity here.
We’re finally going to go out tonight to celebrate our health and maybe throw it all away, again. I hear the VW GOL pulling in the driveway. Chao.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Brazil - Part I: Here we go again
Some trips ... you just know shits gonna hit the fan. Your spidey senses tingle with permonitions of unforeseen hardship and you just brace yourself and prepare for the worst. I'd been carrying around this sense of impending doom for our upcoming trip to Brazil since Paul convinced us to fly standby on his buddy passes. The upside is you pay half price and get to fly 1st or biz class. Downside is you can get bumped or rerouted. This also means you have to carry your luggage on which in turn affects how / what you can bring.
I tired to fight this for a while. Rationalizing that I'd rather pay full price and fly on my own terms with confidence than to risk letting my vacation get ruined by spending 3 days in the DC airport or some shit like that. In the end, Matt's cheapness and Paul's insistence won over and I gave in. But in a way I also gave up. Not on travelling or having fun. But on making plans. What's the point of having hotel reservations if you don't know when you're getting in? What's the point of researching Rio if you might end up in Sao Pauolo. It was a painful departure from my usual methods but after a while I came to enjoy the IDGAF approach.
Anyhoo, the departure day started nicely enough. I had a good night sleep and was spending my last few moments playing with the kids. Kelly come's over and in true Kelly fasion announces that he'd like to do some laundry before we pick Paul up from the airport. If nothing else, Kelly is very creative and resouceful when it comes to finding new and innovative ways of fucking up. But we love him for that. Much more Kelly moments coming soon. After his laundry load we jump in the xTerra and head downtown to pick Paul up from a BMW body shop. Kelly spends the entire ride down arguing on the phone with his girlfriend and I must admit I was entertained. It was very theatrical and made me feel like I was in the middle of one of those semi-serious Seinfeld episodes.
We pick up P-Styles who immediately begins telling us about his most recent female aquaintances and that keeps me nice and bored 'til we get to the airport (just kidding Paul).
I drop us off at the deaprture terminal and Paul takes my car to the employee parking for pilots and tells us to meet him at the gate. I get busted for having a knife in my first aid kit. As I'm repacking my pack I'm thinking to myself "fuck it. It's a piece of shit knife anyway. I'll just tell them they can keep it and stick in their ass. Plus I still have the kick-ass leatherman's tool Jen's dad got me so I'm fine."
Then, the chubby, droopy-jowled midget who searched my bag sais. "OK. Thanks. I'll just run you back through again and you can be on your way."
Again? Are you fuckin' kidding me?" They go through again and and guess what "Sir, do you aome have type of leatherman's tool or something in there?"
"Oh yeah" I say with surprised innocence." "It's right here."
"Well, you can't take this on either."
At this point. As I'm repacking my bag and talking to the lady and deciding what to do about the knives when I notice that my boarding pass is no where to be found. After a few more agonizing moments Kelly hands it to me. Turns out he had grabbed it and put it in his pockets. I told you the little fella never runs out of creative ways to fuck up. Anyway, I run back out of security and mail my knives back home since I wasn't gonna toss the tool Tom got me. It had been everywhere with me. Kelly spends this entire time talking to his shrink and baby mama mama.
I get back through security and being that we're both so distracted we go to the wrong gate. After 30 minutes we realize this and jet to the correct gate in time to meet paul. We get in 1st class which on this flight is like coach with wider seats. But whatever, we're on our way to DC and Kelly and I exchange a terrorist fist bump and the plane gets airborne. We talk about our friends and recent developments in our social circle for a while. Then he sleeps and I begin reading "Average American Male". It's a fierce read. I highly recommend it if you have a penis.
Now before we took off and lost cell phone coverage Paul gets a vague text from Matt that he's not being let back into the gate area. We concoct all the reasons this might be happening (travel embargo, airline rules for companion tickets, etc.) and all the ways we can fix the issue. In the end, it was all for naught and Matt had used his long layover to find a way to get through. We connect to our flight to Rio and as luck would have it, Kelly and Paul get bumped to first class but Mattt and I are stuck in coach. They both promise to come back and switch with us after their naps so we can sleep too. They both lied.
10:15
Matt takes a white sleeping pill Paul gave us with the promise that "it will make you drool". Ardi doesn't.
10:25
Matt's passed out. Ardi's reading.
12:15
The passangers in front of us complain because Ardi's toe is on their armrest. Dont' these fuckers know I have a bad back and need my feet elevated?
1:30
Ardi is hoping all those straight A's in geometry class can now show him how to fit a grown man in a 2 foot by 2 foot box horizontally so he can sleep. Mrs. Delaney would be ashamed & disappointed.
3:19
Ardi is watching the interactive map of our flight pattern and trying to see if he can actually observe the movement of the airplane. He is convinced he can even though the displays are snapshots.
5:45
Ardi is watching Max Payne in Portuguese. Doesn't think the voice acting is very well done based on his almost non-existnet knowledge of the language.
7:28
Ardi fantasizes about following someone who has an empty seat next to them to the bathroom so he can suffocate them and sleep in their double seat. Kelly is dreaming about tanning cream. Paul's dreaming about poon. Matt's dreaming about Brownies.
10:30
Paul comes over with a big smile and tells us about what a great night sleep he had. Ardi feels a distinct burning sensation in his butt overall ass zone. He didn't have chilli last night so he concludes it's probably just rage.
We land around 11 ish and per Paul's advice we rush out to security so we can catch the airline crew bus to the vicinity of Ipanema beach. Ofcourse, CKK, Creative Kelly Kortman, realized that he left his camera on the plane and we go from being the 1st people through customs to the last. We wonder why the heck he even had his camera out on a red-eye flight. WTF was he taking pictures of. His feet? We still manage to catch the crew bus. We get accosted by a few gay attendants but it seems worth the free ride. I meet the captain and he's very cool and has good advice.
We catch a cab to a couple of non-ideal locations. The traffic in Ipanema is slow and we already know where we want to stay to we finally pay the cabbie and hoof it. We find a big double room. with 4 beds, nice bathroom, AC, fridge, and low price. We're stoked for the prime find and hit the beach.
We explore for a while. Ipanema beach is insanely crowded. Not uncomfortably ... there's plenty of space. But it just goes forever for miles and miles and it's densely packed all the way along. The best part ... infinite volleyball nets. We search post 8 for my friend Mel but can't find her on the busy beach. We finally settle down, sans Kelly (Portuguese name "Purple Chest"), and Matt and I do what we do. We beat some local kids 2 out of 3 matches. Matt is completely immobile due to his bad knee. But he plays anyway and we do OK. If he was healthy, the games would have been a joke but his injury makes them close to even. Matty, I don't know if you were having any fun but if you took all that pain for me ... thank you.
After beating the locals we play with a couple of kids (10 or 11 maybe) and these kids were absolutely phenomenal. You may think I'm exagerating but the ability and ball control that these tiny little kids displayed absolutely blew my mind. They were quick and they could actually pass set and even hit despite not being able to rise above the net. I got a picture with one who was very polite and charming and spoke some english.
We played until after sunset. The beach has stadium lighting so you can play as late as you like. And it's hot and humid so temperature is not an issue. We've only been here for 2 days so far but the best part of the trip for me so far has been the walk back from the beach to the hotel. We were a couple of miles away since we'd cruised down to try to find Mel (and failed). Tired but clean from the ocean water with drinks in our hands we strode the long walk and took in the scenery. Just me and my best friend feeling good about the fact that we're finally really in Rio. The moment is not about our other companions one track quest for poon.
That night we went out to dinner at some all you can eat place which was nice. Downside was all they had was meat. Hard to find fruits or veggies here so a good diet will probably take extra work. Afterwards we stopped at a fruit juice stand and I (as is my single greatest god given tallent) made friends with a couple of local gays which is always a great resouce for info and connections. Later, when I asked them where a cool local club was they inquired further about what exactly we were after. The disappointed looks on their faces were obvious when I told them my friends liked music and a couple of them wanted straight (non-prostitute) girls. I think they still hoped that the fact that I didn't say anything about myself looking for girls might have let their imagination roam.
After that we went to the silliest most clownish club I've ever been to. It's a tiny matchbox but they got all this security and managers running around with headsets and clip boards acting like they're protecting the president or coordinating backstage entertainment for the emmies. Here's the crazy part. They give you a card when you get in and you're required to purchase X reails in alcohol before you can leave, otherwise you just have to pay the difference before you can go. You're literally in prison and now have to buy your way out. The process of going home was comical. I wasn't drinking much so I guess I still owed a bundle. Meanwhile, Matt wanted my balance transerred to his card since he was getting after it. It took 3 guys in ties using 3 computers to handle this process. How the fuck can anyone have fun in a place like this? It was like buying a goddamn car. As Paul read in an online review, this was a "slick, soulless place which desperately tried to convey sophistication and international appeal but in the end leaves the visitors with a nagging feeling that the real fun Rio resides elswhere."
Anyway, Matt finally buys my way out of that hellhole and I go home. I take the pill that Paul gave me, and I didn't take, on the airplane. I haven't slept in 36 hours and I need to pass out ASAP. Next thing I know Kelly is bouncing on my bed and it's 3 PM.
We jet to the beach and I play ball with some locals while Matt and the boys screw around. I played with a 6'7 guy who is on some all-Rio indoor v-ball team. Then I drink and eat a coconut with my bare hands and go home alone. Now I'm here typing this blog while the guys are drinking and getting ready to go out. I fear that we'll never get adjusted to the time zone if we keep staying out late and I don't want to miss any more daytime. I think I'll roll out with them but be more ruthless when it comes to cutting out and going home. I won't let them guilt me into staying out late in any more money sucking tourist traps.
Tomorrow we'll probably visit the Jesus statue and buy our tickets for Florianapolis. Paul wants to stay in the Northern side of the Island so you can go to more clubs like the one from last night. I'm in more of a Koh Tao state of mind. I have to find a way to shed my big city skin that has calcified over my soul and won't let me enjoy myself. We'll see how that goes.
I tired to fight this for a while. Rationalizing that I'd rather pay full price and fly on my own terms with confidence than to risk letting my vacation get ruined by spending 3 days in the DC airport or some shit like that. In the end, Matt's cheapness and Paul's insistence won over and I gave in. But in a way I also gave up. Not on travelling or having fun. But on making plans. What's the point of having hotel reservations if you don't know when you're getting in? What's the point of researching Rio if you might end up in Sao Pauolo. It was a painful departure from my usual methods but after a while I came to enjoy the IDGAF approach.
Anyhoo, the departure day started nicely enough. I had a good night sleep and was spending my last few moments playing with the kids. Kelly come's over and in true Kelly fasion announces that he'd like to do some laundry before we pick Paul up from the airport. If nothing else, Kelly is very creative and resouceful when it comes to finding new and innovative ways of fucking up. But we love him for that. Much more Kelly moments coming soon. After his laundry load we jump in the xTerra and head downtown to pick Paul up from a BMW body shop. Kelly spends the entire ride down arguing on the phone with his girlfriend and I must admit I was entertained. It was very theatrical and made me feel like I was in the middle of one of those semi-serious Seinfeld episodes.
We pick up P-Styles who immediately begins telling us about his most recent female aquaintances and that keeps me nice and bored 'til we get to the airport (just kidding Paul).
I drop us off at the deaprture terminal and Paul takes my car to the employee parking for pilots and tells us to meet him at the gate. I get busted for having a knife in my first aid kit. As I'm repacking my pack I'm thinking to myself "fuck it. It's a piece of shit knife anyway. I'll just tell them they can keep it and stick in their ass. Plus I still have the kick-ass leatherman's tool Jen's dad got me so I'm fine."
Then, the chubby, droopy-jowled midget who searched my bag sais. "OK. Thanks. I'll just run you back through again and you can be on your way."
Again? Are you fuckin' kidding me?" They go through again and and guess what "Sir, do you aome have type of leatherman's tool or something in there?"
"Oh yeah" I say with surprised innocence." "It's right here."
"Well, you can't take this on either."
At this point. As I'm repacking my bag and talking to the lady and deciding what to do about the knives when I notice that my boarding pass is no where to be found. After a few more agonizing moments Kelly hands it to me. Turns out he had grabbed it and put it in his pockets. I told you the little fella never runs out of creative ways to fuck up. Anyway, I run back out of security and mail my knives back home since I wasn't gonna toss the tool Tom got me. It had been everywhere with me. Kelly spends this entire time talking to his shrink and baby mama mama.
I get back through security and being that we're both so distracted we go to the wrong gate. After 30 minutes we realize this and jet to the correct gate in time to meet paul. We get in 1st class which on this flight is like coach with wider seats. But whatever, we're on our way to DC and Kelly and I exchange a terrorist fist bump and the plane gets airborne. We talk about our friends and recent developments in our social circle for a while. Then he sleeps and I begin reading "Average American Male". It's a fierce read. I highly recommend it if you have a penis.
Now before we took off and lost cell phone coverage Paul gets a vague text from Matt that he's not being let back into the gate area. We concoct all the reasons this might be happening (travel embargo, airline rules for companion tickets, etc.) and all the ways we can fix the issue. In the end, it was all for naught and Matt had used his long layover to find a way to get through. We connect to our flight to Rio and as luck would have it, Kelly and Paul get bumped to first class but Mattt and I are stuck in coach. They both promise to come back and switch with us after their naps so we can sleep too. They both lied.
10:15
Matt takes a white sleeping pill Paul gave us with the promise that "it will make you drool". Ardi doesn't.
10:25
Matt's passed out. Ardi's reading.
12:15
The passangers in front of us complain because Ardi's toe is on their armrest. Dont' these fuckers know I have a bad back and need my feet elevated?
1:30
Ardi is hoping all those straight A's in geometry class can now show him how to fit a grown man in a 2 foot by 2 foot box horizontally so he can sleep. Mrs. Delaney would be ashamed & disappointed.
3:19
Ardi is watching the interactive map of our flight pattern and trying to see if he can actually observe the movement of the airplane. He is convinced he can even though the displays are snapshots.
5:45
Ardi is watching Max Payne in Portuguese. Doesn't think the voice acting is very well done based on his almost non-existnet knowledge of the language.
7:28
Ardi fantasizes about following someone who has an empty seat next to them to the bathroom so he can suffocate them and sleep in their double seat. Kelly is dreaming about tanning cream. Paul's dreaming about poon. Matt's dreaming about Brownies.
10:30
Paul comes over with a big smile and tells us about what a great night sleep he had. Ardi feels a distinct burning sensation in his butt overall ass zone. He didn't have chilli last night so he concludes it's probably just rage.
We land around 11 ish and per Paul's advice we rush out to security so we can catch the airline crew bus to the vicinity of Ipanema beach. Ofcourse, CKK, Creative Kelly Kortman, realized that he left his camera on the plane and we go from being the 1st people through customs to the last. We wonder why the heck he even had his camera out on a red-eye flight. WTF was he taking pictures of. His feet? We still manage to catch the crew bus. We get accosted by a few gay attendants but it seems worth the free ride. I meet the captain and he's very cool and has good advice.
We catch a cab to a couple of non-ideal locations. The traffic in Ipanema is slow and we already know where we want to stay to we finally pay the cabbie and hoof it. We find a big double room. with 4 beds, nice bathroom, AC, fridge, and low price. We're stoked for the prime find and hit the beach.
We explore for a while. Ipanema beach is insanely crowded. Not uncomfortably ... there's plenty of space. But it just goes forever for miles and miles and it's densely packed all the way along. The best part ... infinite volleyball nets. We search post 8 for my friend Mel but can't find her on the busy beach. We finally settle down, sans Kelly (Portuguese name "Purple Chest"), and Matt and I do what we do. We beat some local kids 2 out of 3 matches. Matt is completely immobile due to his bad knee. But he plays anyway and we do OK. If he was healthy, the games would have been a joke but his injury makes them close to even. Matty, I don't know if you were having any fun but if you took all that pain for me ... thank you.
After beating the locals we play with a couple of kids (10 or 11 maybe) and these kids were absolutely phenomenal. You may think I'm exagerating but the ability and ball control that these tiny little kids displayed absolutely blew my mind. They were quick and they could actually pass set and even hit despite not being able to rise above the net. I got a picture with one who was very polite and charming and spoke some english.
We played until after sunset. The beach has stadium lighting so you can play as late as you like. And it's hot and humid so temperature is not an issue. We've only been here for 2 days so far but the best part of the trip for me so far has been the walk back from the beach to the hotel. We were a couple of miles away since we'd cruised down to try to find Mel (and failed). Tired but clean from the ocean water with drinks in our hands we strode the long walk and took in the scenery. Just me and my best friend feeling good about the fact that we're finally really in Rio. The moment is not about our other companions one track quest for poon.
That night we went out to dinner at some all you can eat place which was nice. Downside was all they had was meat. Hard to find fruits or veggies here so a good diet will probably take extra work. Afterwards we stopped at a fruit juice stand and I (as is my single greatest god given tallent) made friends with a couple of local gays which is always a great resouce for info and connections. Later, when I asked them where a cool local club was they inquired further about what exactly we were after. The disappointed looks on their faces were obvious when I told them my friends liked music and a couple of them wanted straight (non-prostitute) girls. I think they still hoped that the fact that I didn't say anything about myself looking for girls might have let their imagination roam.
After that we went to the silliest most clownish club I've ever been to. It's a tiny matchbox but they got all this security and managers running around with headsets and clip boards acting like they're protecting the president or coordinating backstage entertainment for the emmies. Here's the crazy part. They give you a card when you get in and you're required to purchase X reails in alcohol before you can leave, otherwise you just have to pay the difference before you can go. You're literally in prison and now have to buy your way out. The process of going home was comical. I wasn't drinking much so I guess I still owed a bundle. Meanwhile, Matt wanted my balance transerred to his card since he was getting after it. It took 3 guys in ties using 3 computers to handle this process. How the fuck can anyone have fun in a place like this? It was like buying a goddamn car. As Paul read in an online review, this was a "slick, soulless place which desperately tried to convey sophistication and international appeal but in the end leaves the visitors with a nagging feeling that the real fun Rio resides elswhere."
Anyway, Matt finally buys my way out of that hellhole and I go home. I take the pill that Paul gave me, and I didn't take, on the airplane. I haven't slept in 36 hours and I need to pass out ASAP. Next thing I know Kelly is bouncing on my bed and it's 3 PM.
We jet to the beach and I play ball with some locals while Matt and the boys screw around. I played with a 6'7 guy who is on some all-Rio indoor v-ball team. Then I drink and eat a coconut with my bare hands and go home alone. Now I'm here typing this blog while the guys are drinking and getting ready to go out. I fear that we'll never get adjusted to the time zone if we keep staying out late and I don't want to miss any more daytime. I think I'll roll out with them but be more ruthless when it comes to cutting out and going home. I won't let them guilt me into staying out late in any more money sucking tourist traps.
Tomorrow we'll probably visit the Jesus statue and buy our tickets for Florianapolis. Paul wants to stay in the Northern side of the Island so you can go to more clubs like the one from last night. I'm in more of a Koh Tao state of mind. I have to find a way to shed my big city skin that has calcified over my soul and won't let me enjoy myself. We'll see how that goes.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Mighty Wingman
What is it about the Wingman that appeals to me so much? I've always admired the steady sidekick more than the star. I also find myself playing that role in life and in games. I don't know why but being the selfless best friend always seemed more romantic to me than being the glamorous star.Always the designated driver. The Best Man. The one to come through in the clutch. Play weak side so my partner can play the power side. Play fullback so the tailback can score. Distract the ugly girl so my bro can work the hottie. Drive the warthog so B-Sack can get a frenzy. Cherishing every wheelman medal as I whip 180s with the e-brake.
Last night I was playing some casual Gears with the kids (don't judge) and Riley asked me, "Daddy, why do you always play as Dom?".
I smiled. "Because I like Dom."
"But Why?"
"Well ... he's a good soldier. He always takes care of Marcus and his friends. He's loyal and he's brave."
"But Isn't Marcus the best soldier?"
"Yeah ... Marcus is the Star. But Dom's the Wingman."
"The Wingman?"
"Yeah, The Wingman."
I traded my favorite shirt with this guy for his Wingman shirt. I seemed so cool to me.
I've spent hours bored & sober in dive bars and cheezy clubs just make sure nothing bad happened to my friends (or to make sure something good happened).
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
How did I get here?
The last couple of months have a been dizzying whirlwind of multiple projects with multiple deadlines, multiple injuries with multiple rehab plans, and mulitiple travel plans with multiple people to Brazil.
As of Right now, Paul, Kelly, Matt, & I are flying to Brazil on Feb 6th. Planning and preparation has been torturous. We also lost a key player along the way, the depth and devastion of which remains to be seen. I don't even know where to begin. Let me start by giving you this little transcript from a few weeks ago.
From: Ardi
Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 1:14 PM
To: Matt; Paul; Kelly; Mack
Subject: BRAZIL - What a mess
Hey guys,
Well, I've spoke to each of you a couple of times in the past 10 days, trying to get things organized and stable for Brazil so we can book our tickets and get organized.
A lot of thoughts and concerns were brought up and it's becoming pretty difficult to plan something solid while trying to account for a dozen variables at the same time. I'm gonna just brain dump all the issue here in a list so you can all see what we're dealing with and hopefully offer some intput.
- Paul Has to Be at a wedding in Miami in late February
- Paul can get us cheap ($400) tickets (possibly 1st class) but can't give us an exact date until roughly 2 weeks before travel time. I'm assuming the same uncertainty applies to the return date as well.
- Paul will find out in 2 weeks if he's getting laid off from United Airlines which, if true, will also affect things
- Paul does not want to be in Rio during carnival ("like Vegas on NYE").
- Paul won't know his schedule until mid - December
- Matt is neutral about Carnival
- Matt feels guilty about Diane's friend backing out of their trip to Mach Pichu.
- Out of the infinite sea of possibilities for how to alleviate his guilt, Matt thinks that cutting his once in a lifetime (& Ardi's last) trip to Brazil short would be the best option. Apparently there is NOTHING in North America outside the Jan/Feb time-frame that can compensate for this.
- Diane's birthday is in Late Feb/Early March and it's usually a Mamoth trip trip for the Sherrills
- Mack is almost done with the house
- Mack contends that the house does not need to sell but merely finish and go on the Market so he can start working for $ and then he can go.
- Mack treats Ardi like a bill collector every time he gets called to discuss the trip
- Mack suggests that we should go ahead and plan the dates / book tickets without him and he'll "catch up" when he's ready.
- Ardi would like to finalize the flight dates as early as possible so all the other little details can get planned and streamlined.
- Ardi does not mind buying a full price ticket in advance in return for solid flight dates so everything at home and work can be planned and scheduled. The 2 week notice is almost impossible for him to deal with.
- Ardi is sad. All this nonsense has confirmed to him that he and his friends are permanent prisoners in cell-block "AD" (American Dream).
So that's about the jist of it. Although the possibility of cheap firstclass tickets is tantalizing having the 2 day window before and/or after each departure date wasted due to uncertainty combined with the problems presented at work is not worth it. I can make up the $ saved with one or 2 days worth of work.
The advantage of pushing the flight dates back is that it gives us a chance to see carnival (& cut out if we don't like it) and also give Mack more time to get his act together. The disadvantage is that it overlaps Pauls friends wedding and Diane's birthday. I really want to solidify things ASAP so let me know what your thoughts are and how you suggest dealing with ALL the issues listed above while keeping everyone happy and on-track?
Is it even worth it? Are we paying $20 for a candy bar? (metaphorically)
So ... this is more or less the kind of nonsense I've had to deal with lately. Add in the fact that now we're flying on Paul's buddy passes which means we can get bumped at the drop of a hat and also have to carry our stuff on the plane (so you don't, for example, end up in Rio with your bags in Sao Paulo) and you've got about 1/4 of my problems figured out.
But alas, dear reader, like Depeche Mode said, God's got a sick sense of humor. I've been dealing with some strange convoluted compound back/abdominal/groin injury. This is at least partially due to the BUTTLOAD of snow that we got over christmas that Matt and Leif helped me shovel but the lower back damage it dished out did a number on me. Although I managed to play 6 games last night and although I had some pain it wasn't getting any worse and felt more theraputic than aggravating. Guys who get beat up for a living know what I'm talking about.
So the fear of flooding was another nice christmas bonus. I even dreamed about floods as recently as last night. I'm having Mack & Joe put in a French drain this summer when they tear down the deck (before they build it back with Synthetic material). Also, as much as it sucked, I kinda enjoyed shoveling all that snow with Matt and Leif. Not only was it nice to see how much they cared but it also felt like TRUE QUALITY time. Can't explain it.
Now, just for a shits and giggles, let's introduce this next scenario. The elementary school down the street got broken into. Probably some angry punk kids but who knows. They broke some computers and shit. Shameful. Also, an aqaintance told Jen that her neighbor heard someone banging on their door. They grabbed their gun and looked outside but the punk kids had knocked and ran. This story turned into the "they-tried-to-kick-down-our-door-and-ran-away-when-we-grabbed-our-gun" story which now has Jen believing that our neighborhood is a crime zone and we need extra door locks, motion sensors, alarms, etc.
Also, since I'm such a crazy daredevil I've been asked to up my life insurance from 1/2 a Mil to a Mil in case I die in Brazil. I guess 1/2 a mil was OK for Peru and Equador but you're more likely to die in Brazil. Did you know that they said I was overweight when I got tested before going to Peru? I was 5'9, 190 Lbs, 11% Body Fat. I came back a month later at 172 Lbs and 8% body fat. Amazing what starving in the Amazon can do for your insurance rates.
And here's the kicker just to top things off. I heard throught the grapevine that some entities at work question my focus and dedication cuz I'm leaving for a few weeks. Been here for 3 years and only took a week off for my brothers wedding. The rest has been onsey twosey stuff. All this time I've been planning and saving for Brazil. The person questioning my motives didn't even KNOW about our company when I started planning this vacation. Sadder yet, I probably won't ever get to have a direct adult converstion with him about this. He's a good guy, but like me, probably, he only sees part of the picture. I wonder, as I type this, if I should perhaps speak him about this. But everything seems to be conveyed in 3rd person and via middle-men around here. I miss talking to the people I build tools for. Not only do you get better specs but you also get more satisfaction. Just a guy who needs something and comes to you for help. You listen, you help him, and you get to see him smile when his problems are solved. He might even pat you the back.
So there you have it. All this just to live pure and free with close friends for a few days. 3 years for 3 weeks. Fair, ain't it?
As of Right now, Paul, Kelly, Matt, & I are flying to Brazil on Feb 6th. Planning and preparation has been torturous. We also lost a key player along the way, the depth and devastion of which remains to be seen. I don't even know where to begin. Let me start by giving you this little transcript from a few weeks ago.
From: Ardi
Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 1:14 PM
To: Matt; Paul; Kelly; Mack
Subject: BRAZIL - What a mess
Hey guys,
Well, I've spoke to each of you a couple of times in the past 10 days, trying to get things organized and stable for Brazil so we can book our tickets and get organized.
A lot of thoughts and concerns were brought up and it's becoming pretty difficult to plan something solid while trying to account for a dozen variables at the same time. I'm gonna just brain dump all the issue here in a list so you can all see what we're dealing with and hopefully offer some intput.
- Paul Has to Be at a wedding in Miami in late February
- Paul can get us cheap ($400) tickets (possibly 1st class) but can't give us an exact date until roughly 2 weeks before travel time. I'm assuming the same uncertainty applies to the return date as well.
- Paul will find out in 2 weeks if he's getting laid off from United Airlines which, if true, will also affect things
- Paul does not want to be in Rio during carnival ("like Vegas on NYE").
- Paul won't know his schedule until mid - December
- Matt is neutral about Carnival
- Matt feels guilty about Diane's friend backing out of their trip to Mach Pichu.
- Out of the infinite sea of possibilities for how to alleviate his guilt, Matt thinks that cutting his once in a lifetime (& Ardi's last) trip to Brazil short would be the best option. Apparently there is NOTHING in North America outside the Jan/Feb time-frame that can compensate for this.
- Diane's birthday is in Late Feb/Early March and it's usually a Mamoth trip trip for the Sherrills
- Mack is almost done with the house
- Mack contends that the house does not need to sell but merely finish and go on the Market so he can start working for $ and then he can go.
- Mack treats Ardi like a bill collector every time he gets called to discuss the trip
- Mack suggests that we should go ahead and plan the dates / book tickets without him and he'll "catch up" when he's ready.
- Ardi would like to finalize the flight dates as early as possible so all the other little details can get planned and streamlined.
- Ardi does not mind buying a full price ticket in advance in return for solid flight dates so everything at home and work can be planned and scheduled. The 2 week notice is almost impossible for him to deal with.
- Ardi is sad. All this nonsense has confirmed to him that he and his friends are permanent prisoners in cell-block "AD" (American Dream).
So that's about the jist of it. Although the possibility of cheap firstclass tickets is tantalizing having the 2 day window before and/or after each departure date wasted due to uncertainty combined with the problems presented at work is not worth it. I can make up the $ saved with one or 2 days worth of work.
The advantage of pushing the flight dates back is that it gives us a chance to see carnival (& cut out if we don't like it) and also give Mack more time to get his act together. The disadvantage is that it overlaps Pauls friends wedding and Diane's birthday. I really want to solidify things ASAP so let me know what your thoughts are and how you suggest dealing with ALL the issues listed above while keeping everyone happy and on-track?
Is it even worth it? Are we paying $20 for a candy bar? (metaphorically)
So ... this is more or less the kind of nonsense I've had to deal with lately. Add in the fact that now we're flying on Paul's buddy passes which means we can get bumped at the drop of a hat and also have to carry our stuff on the plane (so you don't, for example, end up in Rio with your bags in Sao Paulo) and you've got about 1/4 of my problems figured out.
But alas, dear reader, like Depeche Mode said, God's got a sick sense of humor. I've been dealing with some strange convoluted compound back/abdominal/groin injury. This is at least partially due to the BUTTLOAD of snow that we got over christmas that Matt and Leif helped me shovel but the lower back damage it dished out did a number on me. Although I managed to play 6 games last night and although I had some pain it wasn't getting any worse and felt more theraputic than aggravating. Guys who get beat up for a living know what I'm talking about.
So the fear of flooding was another nice christmas bonus. I even dreamed about floods as recently as last night. I'm having Mack & Joe put in a French drain this summer when they tear down the deck (before they build it back with Synthetic material). Also, as much as it sucked, I kinda enjoyed shoveling all that snow with Matt and Leif. Not only was it nice to see how much they cared but it also felt like TRUE QUALITY time. Can't explain it.
Now, just for a shits and giggles, let's introduce this next scenario. The elementary school down the street got broken into. Probably some angry punk kids but who knows. They broke some computers and shit. Shameful. Also, an aqaintance told Jen that her neighbor heard someone banging on their door. They grabbed their gun and looked outside but the punk kids had knocked and ran. This story turned into the "they-tried-to-kick-down-our-door-and-ran-away-when-we-grabbed-our-gun" story which now has Jen believing that our neighborhood is a crime zone and we need extra door locks, motion sensors, alarms, etc.
Also, since I'm such a crazy daredevil I've been asked to up my life insurance from 1/2 a Mil to a Mil in case I die in Brazil. I guess 1/2 a mil was OK for Peru and Equador but you're more likely to die in Brazil. Did you know that they said I was overweight when I got tested before going to Peru? I was 5'9, 190 Lbs, 11% Body Fat. I came back a month later at 172 Lbs and 8% body fat. Amazing what starving in the Amazon can do for your insurance rates.
And here's the kicker just to top things off. I heard throught the grapevine that some entities at work question my focus and dedication cuz I'm leaving for a few weeks. Been here for 3 years and only took a week off for my brothers wedding. The rest has been onsey twosey stuff. All this time I've been planning and saving for Brazil. The person questioning my motives didn't even KNOW about our company when I started planning this vacation. Sadder yet, I probably won't ever get to have a direct adult converstion with him about this. He's a good guy, but like me, probably, he only sees part of the picture. I wonder, as I type this, if I should perhaps speak him about this. But everything seems to be conveyed in 3rd person and via middle-men around here. I miss talking to the people I build tools for. Not only do you get better specs but you also get more satisfaction. Just a guy who needs something and comes to you for help. You listen, you help him, and you get to see him smile when his problems are solved. He might even pat you the back.
So there you have it. All this just to live pure and free with close friends for a few days. 3 years for 3 weeks. Fair, ain't it?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Why I Travel
I'm getting excited about Brazil. I read this quote from Eric Shaeffer today.
I like when things don't work perfectly. It reminds me of a time when you couldn't just get everything you want all the time so easily. It's why I like traveling to third world countries. I'm so fast all the time I appreciate anything that slows me down or takes me out of my routine and forces me to be more present because it's an unusual situation that requires me to pay attention or problem solve in a new way.
I like when things don't work perfectly. It reminds me of a time when you couldn't just get everything you want all the time so easily. It's why I like traveling to third world countries. I'm so fast all the time I appreciate anything that slows me down or takes me out of my routine and forces me to be more present because it's an unusual situation that requires me to pay attention or problem solve in a new way.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Things you only need one of
They say you can never have enough friends. There are probably other things in life where the "more is better" philosophy applies. Money, Music, Movies. You can never really have or experience enough.
With the recent snow storm pounding we've been getting this winter I've come to appreciate the good things in life that you need just one of. One good one is all you need.
- A versatile car (i.e Nissan Xterra)
- A good pair of boots (My Montrail Hiking boots)
- A comfortable home
- A good wife
I have to clear tons of snow from our yard tomorrow. If it all melts at the same time our house will probably flood again. Matt's in town. I'm hoping he can help me. It's a tall order to ask anyone to help you shovel snow all day on Christmas day but I'm glad I also got one good friend who I know will do it if he can.
I've got an old blue shirt and it suits me just fine
I like the way it feels so I wear it all the time
I've got an old guitar that won't ever stay in tune
But I like the way it sounds in a dark and empty room
I've got an old pair of boots that fit my feet just right
I can work all day and go out and dance all night
I've got a new used car that runs just like a top
Yeah I get the feeling it ain't ever gonna stop
Stuff that works
stuff that holds up
Is the kind of stuff you don't hang on the wall
Stuff that's real
that stuff you feel
Is the stuff you always reach for when you fall
I've got a pretty good friend who's seen me at my worst
He don't know if I'm a blessing or a curse
But he always shows up when the chips are down
That's the kind of friend I like to be around
There's a woman I love she's crazy and she paints like God
She's got a playground sense of justice she don't give odds
I've got a tattoo with her name right through my soul
And I think everything she touches turns to gold
Stuff that works
stuff that holds up
Is the kind of stuff you don't hang on the wall
Stuff that's real
that stuff you feel
Is the stuff you always reach for when you fall
- Rodney Crowell
With the recent snow storm pounding we've been getting this winter I've come to appreciate the good things in life that you need just one of. One good one is all you need.
- A versatile car (i.e Nissan Xterra)
- A good pair of boots (My Montrail Hiking boots)
- A comfortable home
- A good wife
I have to clear tons of snow from our yard tomorrow. If it all melts at the same time our house will probably flood again. Matt's in town. I'm hoping he can help me. It's a tall order to ask anyone to help you shovel snow all day on Christmas day but I'm glad I also got one good friend who I know will do it if he can.
I've got an old blue shirt and it suits me just fine
I like the way it feels so I wear it all the time
I've got an old guitar that won't ever stay in tune
But I like the way it sounds in a dark and empty room
I've got an old pair of boots that fit my feet just right
I can work all day and go out and dance all night
I've got a new used car that runs just like a top
Yeah I get the feeling it ain't ever gonna stop
Stuff that works
stuff that holds up
Is the kind of stuff you don't hang on the wall
Stuff that's real
that stuff you feel
Is the stuff you always reach for when you fall
I've got a pretty good friend who's seen me at my worst
He don't know if I'm a blessing or a curse
But he always shows up when the chips are down
That's the kind of friend I like to be around
There's a woman I love she's crazy and she paints like God
She's got a playground sense of justice she don't give odds
I've got a tattoo with her name right through my soul
And I think everything she touches turns to gold
Stuff that works
stuff that holds up
Is the kind of stuff you don't hang on the wall
Stuff that's real
that stuff you feel
Is the stuff you always reach for when you fall
- Rodney Crowell
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
How Men Think
"Somehow the impulsivity of going away for a weekend with a girl you just met three hours ago makes it all seem fun and light and romantic but in three weeks, you've had 5 dates, slept together and know the person enough that feelings are starting to grow. It would be way too intimate to go away together then, especially on a holiday. A month maybe, but not three weeks.
The window is now, or in a month."
- Eric Schaeffer
I can't believe I'm single
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Literal Song Videos
A while ago I did a few blogs on on non-hip-hop musicians covering rap songs. I think I've found a new humor genre. Literal Song videos. Here's my favorite one so far. It's probably not as funny if you don't know the song so here's a link to the original.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The most important, disturbing, and educational movie I've ever watched
I hope this can open your eyes. I know it opened mine.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Pigskin Diaries
Stream of conciousness and trivia about my football season so far.My Saturday Team (Arsenal) and Sunday Team (Deep Speed) are both 3-0. We've already beat the OTHER best team in each league but there's still a lot of games and good teams left to be played.
Every Saturday I take a sip of Joes redbull for good luck. He was supposed to also keep his foomanchu but his wife made him shave it off ... even AFTER I told him to tell her that I said it was OK. Can you believe that?
The field we play at on Saturdays does not have a shitter so guys have to dump in the bushes. I've had to adjust my pre-game poo routine accordingly.
The fact that our other corner, Kainoa, and I wear board shorts has been a running joke on the team. It has led to the idea that each position will wear different leg wear. So far we have the following list:
Colin has retired. At least for this season. I really enjoyed my time on the Gridiron with him the past few years. Man, was he a terror rushing the QB. There were so many practices where we couldn't even run our normal offense because every conversation in the offensive huddle revolved around how to deal with Colin. He's too big and strong to stop even with a double team. He's too fast to roll away from. I liked playing corner behind him. Made my life so easy. My fondest memory of playing with Colin is the last championship we won together. We played the semifinal and final game on the same day with only 1 hour between games. Most of our team was missing and everyone played both ways. It was raining and the field was pure mud. We won on a gloomy deserted field with no one but the refs watching. I wouldn't trade it for the superbowl.
With Matty gone to SanDiego my teammates are all more like business partners than friends although I really do enjoy their company and care about them on a personal level ... so ... maybe they are sorta friends. The only active athletes I associate with off the court/field are Adam and Toombstone.
I have a lot of picks in the Saturday league. My goal is to lead the league in interceptions. Also haven't been burned for any TD's so far.
I've been lucky with injuries this season. Except for a mildly strained lower ab, I've had no major complaints and haven't had to miss any games. Knock on wood.
Casey tells the other team to kiss his starfish.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
When I ruled the world
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sweep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand
I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
- ColdPlay
Monday, June 9, 2008
Maxo Life Project
A few weeks ago while playing "Grand Theft Auto IV" I experienced a very surreal and transcendent moment which triggered a chain of thoughts and a fairly long period of self-analysis. This process eventually led to the experiment which I have labeled the "Maxo Life Project".
It all started one early morning on a beach in West Algonquin. I had just finished doing god knows what and apparently things got pretty heated because I was low on health and armor and had escaped to the beach to pick up some armor stashed under an old dock. The sun was beginning to rise. I was in a red convertible and the beach was deserted. The radio happened to be on the Ambient House station. With the sun creeping above the city skyline and the first rays of light shimmering off the ocean, the moment was epic. I marvelled at how the games creators had put all these elements together to create such an epic moment. What impressed me even more was that this particular moment wasn't scripted or planned. It was just a culmination of a lot of isolated concepts that - while each cool in their own right - had coincided to create something even greater. More astonishing what the fact that, at least to me, they all seemed to go together. Nothing was out of context.
Now the truth of the matter is that all these items were created separately without any specific (but definitely general) plans on how they would interact with each other. Somwhere in Rockstar studios a talented vehicle graphics artist had put the vehicle model for my red convertible together. Somwhere on another floor various artists had developed the water physics engine, the vehicle physics engine, the skyline art and various weather effects (it could have easily been a rainy thunderstorm that morning) and character models. Somwhere in Europe a little known house music producer had cut some ambient beats that were deemed worthy of making it into the game. None of these artists or programmers was specifically thinking about the various components of the game. And yet, somehow, when they all came together ... it just fit.
After experiencing this moment I started paying more attention to how various components of the game came together and how well or poorly things fit the overall context of the moment. Strangely what I realized is that things almost always seemed to fit. Even if in the most ironic of contexts. Here are some of the random scenarios which seem like they shouldn't mesh well, yet, they somehow do.
1) Taking my arms-dealing, pot-smoking Jamaican friend on a rainy midnight assasination attempt on rival gang members on the back of my motorcycle while listening to Jazz.
2) Going on a blind date with a gay criminal to get info / terminate subject. Driving SUV. Listening to punk Rock.
3) Taking my steroid-shooting vain/superficial friend on a helicopter ride with a couple of gals. Sunny day, listening to classic hip-hop from 80's/90's.
4) Illegal street races in Lamborghini while listening to 70 disco. Various weather.
Keep in mind that none of these scenarios were scripted. I chose WHEN to do these missions, WHAT I would drive, and the RADIO station.
No matter where I was, when it was, and what I was doing, it always seemed to fit. I wondered if this was perhaps due to my own relaxed sensibilites in terms of what goes with what. I mean, Riley does a better job of matching her clothes than I do and she's only 4. I also realized that some of this may be due to excessive use of Irony in modern independent movies. I've always like the fact that directors would sometimes choose the most seemingly inappropriate music for a particular scene but still have it make sense. For example, the protagonist just had to make the excruciating choice to shoot his best friend in the head and as he's walking away you hear cheerful Irish jig music with a punk rock beat.
As an experiment, I built a random slideshow with background music. The slidshow basically hits a directory filled with photos (2670 photos as I write this) and randomly displays each photo for 4 seconds and then fades to the next photo. It also hits a music directory and randomly plays one song after the other (the music is not yet random as I write this. Stupid Flash!).
So with each visit you have no idea which photos you're going to see, in what order, and with what background music. I showed the first version to my Friend Chris and he thought that music did go with the slideshow regardless of the photos or the songs (granted I only have slideshow-friendly music in there right now).
I'm also thinking of building an admin tool for a few other friends to add photos and music to the project to see where it goes.
Visit Maxo Life Project.
It all started one early morning on a beach in West Algonquin. I had just finished doing god knows what and apparently things got pretty heated because I was low on health and armor and had escaped to the beach to pick up some armor stashed under an old dock. The sun was beginning to rise. I was in a red convertible and the beach was deserted. The radio happened to be on the Ambient House station. With the sun creeping above the city skyline and the first rays of light shimmering off the ocean, the moment was epic. I marvelled at how the games creators had put all these elements together to create such an epic moment. What impressed me even more was that this particular moment wasn't scripted or planned. It was just a culmination of a lot of isolated concepts that - while each cool in their own right - had coincided to create something even greater. More astonishing what the fact that, at least to me, they all seemed to go together. Nothing was out of context.
Now the truth of the matter is that all these items were created separately without any specific (but definitely general) plans on how they would interact with each other. Somwhere in Rockstar studios a talented vehicle graphics artist had put the vehicle model for my red convertible together. Somwhere on another floor various artists had developed the water physics engine, the vehicle physics engine, the skyline art and various weather effects (it could have easily been a rainy thunderstorm that morning) and character models. Somwhere in Europe a little known house music producer had cut some ambient beats that were deemed worthy of making it into the game. None of these artists or programmers was specifically thinking about the various components of the game. And yet, somehow, when they all came together ... it just fit.
After experiencing this moment I started paying more attention to how various components of the game came together and how well or poorly things fit the overall context of the moment. Strangely what I realized is that things almost always seemed to fit. Even if in the most ironic of contexts. Here are some of the random scenarios which seem like they shouldn't mesh well, yet, they somehow do.
1) Taking my arms-dealing, pot-smoking Jamaican friend on a rainy midnight assasination attempt on rival gang members on the back of my motorcycle while listening to Jazz.
2) Going on a blind date with a gay criminal to get info / terminate subject. Driving SUV. Listening to punk Rock.
3) Taking my steroid-shooting vain/superficial friend on a helicopter ride with a couple of gals. Sunny day, listening to classic hip-hop from 80's/90's.
4) Illegal street races in Lamborghini while listening to 70 disco. Various weather.
Keep in mind that none of these scenarios were scripted. I chose WHEN to do these missions, WHAT I would drive, and the RADIO station.
No matter where I was, when it was, and what I was doing, it always seemed to fit. I wondered if this was perhaps due to my own relaxed sensibilites in terms of what goes with what. I mean, Riley does a better job of matching her clothes than I do and she's only 4. I also realized that some of this may be due to excessive use of Irony in modern independent movies. I've always like the fact that directors would sometimes choose the most seemingly inappropriate music for a particular scene but still have it make sense. For example, the protagonist just had to make the excruciating choice to shoot his best friend in the head and as he's walking away you hear cheerful Irish jig music with a punk rock beat.
As an experiment, I built a random slideshow with background music. The slidshow basically hits a directory filled with photos (2670 photos as I write this) and randomly displays each photo for 4 seconds and then fades to the next photo. It also hits a music directory and randomly plays one song after the other (the music is not yet random as I write this. Stupid Flash!).
So with each visit you have no idea which photos you're going to see, in what order, and with what background music. I showed the first version to my Friend Chris and he thought that music did go with the slideshow regardless of the photos or the songs (granted I only have slideshow-friendly music in there right now).
I'm also thinking of building an admin tool for a few other friends to add photos and music to the project to see where it goes.
Visit Maxo Life Project.
Monday, June 2, 2008
23 Questions I Ask Everybody I Meet... By Chuck Klosterman
1. Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume he can do five simple tricks he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. These are his only tricks and he can't learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he's doing these five tricks with real magic. It's not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He's legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence. Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that for some reason every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots. Would you attempt to do this?
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler's skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can't give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler's skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical. Which option do you select?
4. Genetic engineers at John Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so called "super gorilla." Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an IQ of almost 85, and -most notably- a vague sense of self awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays.) Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent. You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break your soul mate's collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear--for the rest of your life--sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like the deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you.) Would you swallow the pill?
6. At long last, someone invents 'the dream VCR.' This machine allows you to tape an entire eveningÃ?s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you donÃ?t agree to this, you can't use the dream VCR. Would you still do this?
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week. You are the front-page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: They are obsessed with The Dark Crystal. You'd have to watch the DVD with him/her once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely about the film's 'deeper philosophy.' Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
9. A novel entitled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews). However, a curios social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man). Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?
10. This is the opening line of Jay McInerney's Bright Lights, Big City: "You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of morning." Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you've read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart's Little Queen album (assuming you own it). Listen to the opening riff of Barracuda. Which of these two introductions is a higher art form?
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reason for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational, metaphysical sense that somewhere- your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this and your mother has not been ill. Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
12. You meet a wizard in downtown Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, I will now make them a dollar more attractive. He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But somehow this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can't deny that this person is vaguely sexier. This wizard has a weird rule, though you can only pay him once. You can't keep giving him money until you're satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front. How much cash do you give the wizard?
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet and you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen minute speech to the assembly. What do you talk about?
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can't talk and they can't write but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves). This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
15. You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation, but the incision will leave you significantly less intelligent, less logical, and with a terrible memory. The surgery is in two weeks. How do you spend the next 14 days?
16. Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it's essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like it twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal; you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian Football League, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that for some unknown reason you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed. The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between the Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you've never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. Be careful of that guy, you are told. He is a man with a past. A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your acquaintance who this new individual is. Be careful of that guy, too, he says. He is a man with no past. Which of these two people do you trust less?
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options and you can choose either (but not both.) The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon. Which option do you select?
19. Your best friend is taking on a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you donÃ?t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can't tell them why. Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as 'brutally honest and relentlessly fair.' Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it. Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything you know now. You will reexperience your entire adolescence with both of the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you've learned from having lived your life previously. Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating in the office gossip mill, and both involve you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with one of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don't believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual. Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?
23. Consider this possibility: a. Think about deceased TV star John Ritter.b. Now, pretend Ritter had never become famous. Pretend he was never affected by the trappings of fame, and try to imagine what his personality would have been like.c. Now, imagine that this person Ã?the unfamous John Ritter- is a character in a situation comedy.d. Now, you are also a character in this sitcom, and the unfamous John Ritter character is your sitcom father.e. However, this sitcom is actually your real life. In other words, you are living inside a sitcom. Everything about your life is a construction, featuring the unfamous John Ritter playing himself (in the role of your father). But this is not a sitcom. This is your real life. How would you feel about this?
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that for some reason every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots. Would you attempt to do this?
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler's skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can't give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler's skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical. Which option do you select?
4. Genetic engineers at John Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so called "super gorilla." Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an IQ of almost 85, and -most notably- a vague sense of self awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays.) Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent. You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break your soul mate's collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear--for the rest of your life--sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like the deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you.) Would you swallow the pill?
6. At long last, someone invents 'the dream VCR.' This machine allows you to tape an entire eveningÃ?s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you donÃ?t agree to this, you can't use the dream VCR. Would you still do this?
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week. You are the front-page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: They are obsessed with The Dark Crystal. You'd have to watch the DVD with him/her once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely about the film's 'deeper philosophy.' Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
9. A novel entitled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews). However, a curios social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man). Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?
10. This is the opening line of Jay McInerney's Bright Lights, Big City: "You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of morning." Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you've read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart's Little Queen album (assuming you own it). Listen to the opening riff of Barracuda. Which of these two introductions is a higher art form?
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reason for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational, metaphysical sense that somewhere- your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this and your mother has not been ill. Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
12. You meet a wizard in downtown Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, I will now make them a dollar more attractive. He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But somehow this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can't deny that this person is vaguely sexier. This wizard has a weird rule, though you can only pay him once. You can't keep giving him money until you're satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front. How much cash do you give the wizard?
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet and you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen minute speech to the assembly. What do you talk about?
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can't talk and they can't write but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves). This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
15. You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation, but the incision will leave you significantly less intelligent, less logical, and with a terrible memory. The surgery is in two weeks. How do you spend the next 14 days?
16. Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it's essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like it twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal; you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian Football League, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that for some unknown reason you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed. The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between the Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you've never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. Be careful of that guy, you are told. He is a man with a past. A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your acquaintance who this new individual is. Be careful of that guy, too, he says. He is a man with no past. Which of these two people do you trust less?
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options and you can choose either (but not both.) The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon. Which option do you select?
19. Your best friend is taking on a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you donÃ?t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can't tell them why. Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as 'brutally honest and relentlessly fair.' Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it. Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything you know now. You will reexperience your entire adolescence with both of the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you've learned from having lived your life previously. Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating in the office gossip mill, and both involve you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with one of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don't believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual. Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?
23. Consider this possibility: a. Think about deceased TV star John Ritter.b. Now, pretend Ritter had never become famous. Pretend he was never affected by the trappings of fame, and try to imagine what his personality would have been like.c. Now, imagine that this person Ã?the unfamous John Ritter- is a character in a situation comedy.d. Now, you are also a character in this sitcom, and the unfamous John Ritter character is your sitcom father.e. However, this sitcom is actually your real life. In other words, you are living inside a sitcom. Everything about your life is a construction, featuring the unfamous John Ritter playing himself (in the role of your father). But this is not a sitcom. This is your real life. How would you feel about this?
Thursday, May 22, 2008
That's My Daughter in the Water
Everything she sees
she says she wants.
Everything she wants
I see she gets.
That's my daughter in the water
everything she owns I bought her
Everything she owns.
That's my daughter in the water,
everything she knows I taught her.
Everything she knows.
Everything I say
she takes to heart.
Everything she takes
she takes apart.
That's my daughter in the water
every time she fell I caught her.
Every time she fell.
That's my daughter in the water,
I lost every time I fought her.
I lost every time.
Every time she blinks
she strikes somebody blind.
Everything she thinks
blows her tiny mind.
That's my daughter in the water,
who'd have ever thought her?
Who'd have ever thought?
That's my daughter in the water,
I lost everytime I fought her
Yea, I lost every time.
- Loudon Wainwright
Monday, May 12, 2008
Summer is Here
I woke up this morning and packed my v-ball gear as I had every day for the last 9 months. The thought of playing with "The Dogan" brought a smile to my face. But then I noticed that there was no Arena Sports reminder in my Inbox. Further investigation revealed the season had uncermoniously ended, unbeknownst to me. Then I recalled that my last play with "The Dogan" was getting aced down the middle by the nerd and the noob ... and a tear fell from my eye.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Bearded Pesh Video Debut
Without informing any of his friends, our pal "B-Sack", aka "Bareq", aka "The Bearded Pesh" has been monlighting as an Indian music video star. He can now add "Benny Lava" to his list of Aliases.
B-Sack during the Bogacheil disaster:
Bearded Pesh Busting Fly Moves as Benny Lava:
B-Sack during the Bogacheil disaster:
Bearded Pesh Busting Fly Moves as Benny Lava:
Monday, February 25, 2008
Balloon
The first time I heard this song I was driving back from skiing with Riley. (Listen Here)
In my rearview
I watch you
watching the twilight
behind the telephone lines
With nothing to prove
or to assume
just thinking if your thoughts
are different than mine
In my rearview
I watch you
I gave you your life
but you give me mine
I see you slowly swim away
as the light is leaving town
to a place that I can't be
where there's no apologies
So go on
Just go on
There're still so many things
I wanna to say to you
But go on
Just go on
We're bound by blood that's moving
the moment that we started
I see perfect little lives
watch the shadows of the clouds
and the surface of the ocean
out the window of a plane
I get nervous when I fly
I'm used to walking with my feet
but I can't help but over-think
What is the purpose of my life
if it doesn't have to do
with learning to let it go
live vicariously through you
You can do the same
it's the least you can do
cause it's a lonely little chain
if you don't add to it
So go on
Just go on
There's so many things
I wanna say to you
Go on
Just go on
We're bound by blood and love
The moment that we started
- Jack Johnson
In my rearviewI watch you
watching the twilight
behind the telephone lines
With nothing to prove
or to assume
just thinking if your thoughts
are different than mine
In my rearview
I watch you
I gave you your life
but you give me mine
I see you slowly swim away
as the light is leaving town
to a place that I can't be
where there's no apologies
So go on
Just go on
There're still so many things
I wanna to say to you
But go on
Just go on
We're bound by blood that's moving
the moment that we started
I see perfect little lives
watch the shadows of the clouds
and the surface of the ocean
out the window of a plane
I get nervous when I fly
I'm used to walking with my feet
but I can't help but over-think
What is the purpose of my life
if it doesn't have to do
with learning to let it go
live vicariously through you
You can do the same
it's the least you can do
cause it's a lonely little chain
if you don't add to it
So go on
Just go on
There's so many things
I wanna say to you
Go on
Just go on
We're bound by blood and love
The moment that we started
- Jack Johnson
Monday, February 18, 2008
Ishkur's Guide to Electronic Music
I've been a fan of Ishkur's site for a while. He's got a new guide coming out soon which should be pretty cool since the last one was insane. He's very articulate and creative cat who luvs da funky beats.
The coolest part about this preview is that it is randomized so everytime you watch it, it's a different show.
Coming soon to www.Ishkur.com:
The coolest part about this preview is that it is randomized so everytime you watch it, it's a different show.
Coming soon to www.Ishkur.com:
Monday, February 11, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Friday, December 14, 2007
2007 Darwin Awards
Yes it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1.
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California; would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder...he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine, and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself....he tried the machine and also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5.
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas, and the whole event was caught on videotape.
8.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Here is the glorious winner:
1.
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California; would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder...he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine, and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself....he tried the machine and also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5.
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas, and the whole event was caught on videotape.
8.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Monday, December 10, 2007
10 Tips For Staying Young
by Deepak Chopra
Deepak Chopra is a well known physician offering alternatives to the conventional wisdom of medicine. The following are his practical guidelines for living well and longer excerpted from his book, Ageless Body, Timeless Mind.
1. Listen to your body's wisdom, which expresses itself through signals of comfort and discomfort. When choosing a certain behavior, ask your body, "How do you feel about this?" If your body sends a signal of physical or emotional distress, watch out. If your body sends a signal of comfort and eagerness, proceed.
2. Live in the present, for it is the only moment you have. Keep your attention on what is here and now; look for the fullness in every moment. Accept what comes to you totally and completely so that you can appreciate it, learn from it, and then let it go. The present is as it should be. It reflects infinite laws of Nature that have brought you this exact thought, this exact physical response. This moment is as it is because the universe is as it is. Don't struggle against the infinite scheme of things; instead, be at one with it.
3. Take time to be silent, to meditate, to quiet the internal dialogue. In moments of silence, realize that you are recontacting your source of pure awareness. Pay attention to your inner life so that you can be guided by intuition rather than externally imposed interpretations of what is or isn't good for you.
4. Relinquish your need for external approval. You alone are the judge of your worth, and your goal is to discover infinite worth in yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks. There is great freedom in this realization.
5. When you find yourself reacting with anger or opposition to any person or circumstance, realize that you are only struggling with yourself. Putting up resistance is the response of defenses created by old hurts. When you relinquish this anger, you will be healing yourself and cooperating with the flow of the universe.
6. Know that the world "out there" reflects your reality "in here." The people you react to most strongly, whether you love or hate, are projections of your inner world. What you most hate is what you most deny in yourself. What you most love is what you most wish for in yourself. Use the mirror of relationships to guide your evolution. The goal is total self-knowledge. When you achieve that, what you most want will automatically be there, and what you most dislike will disappear.
7. Shed the burden of judgment and you will feel much lighter. Judgment imposes right and wrong on situations that just are. Everything can be understood and forgiven, but when you judge, you cut off understanding and shut down the process of learning to love. In judging others, you reflect your lack of self-acceptance. Remember that every person you forgive adds to your self-love.
8. Don't contaminate your body with toxins, either through food, drink, or toxic emotions. Your body is more than a life-support system. It is the vehicle that will carry you on the journey of your evolution. The health of every cell directly contributes to your state of well-being, because every cell is a point of awareness within the field of awareness that is you.
9. Replace fear-motivated behavior with love-motivated behavior. Fear is the product of memory, which dwells in the past. Remembering what hurt us before, we direct our energies toward making certain that an old hurt will not repeat itself. But trying to impose the past on the present will never wipe out the threat of being hurt. That happens only when you find the security of your own being, which is love. Motivated by the truth inside you, you can face any threat because your inner strength is invulnerable to fear.
10. Understand that the physical world is just a mirror of a deeper intelligence. Intelligence is the invisible organizer of all matter and energy, and since a portion of this intelligence resides in you, you share in the organizing power of the cosmos. Because you are inseparably linked to everything, you cannot afford to foul the planet's air and water. But at a deeper level, you cannot afford to live with a toxic mind, because every thought makes an impression on the whole field of intelligence. Living in balance and purity is the highest good for you and the Earth.
Deepak Chopra is a well known physician offering alternatives to the conventional wisdom of medicine. The following are his practical guidelines for living well and longer excerpted from his book, Ageless Body, Timeless Mind.
1. Listen to your body's wisdom, which expresses itself through signals of comfort and discomfort. When choosing a certain behavior, ask your body, "How do you feel about this?" If your body sends a signal of physical or emotional distress, watch out. If your body sends a signal of comfort and eagerness, proceed.
2. Live in the present, for it is the only moment you have. Keep your attention on what is here and now; look for the fullness in every moment. Accept what comes to you totally and completely so that you can appreciate it, learn from it, and then let it go. The present is as it should be. It reflects infinite laws of Nature that have brought you this exact thought, this exact physical response. This moment is as it is because the universe is as it is. Don't struggle against the infinite scheme of things; instead, be at one with it.
3. Take time to be silent, to meditate, to quiet the internal dialogue. In moments of silence, realize that you are recontacting your source of pure awareness. Pay attention to your inner life so that you can be guided by intuition rather than externally imposed interpretations of what is or isn't good for you.
4. Relinquish your need for external approval. You alone are the judge of your worth, and your goal is to discover infinite worth in yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks. There is great freedom in this realization.
5. When you find yourself reacting with anger or opposition to any person or circumstance, realize that you are only struggling with yourself. Putting up resistance is the response of defenses created by old hurts. When you relinquish this anger, you will be healing yourself and cooperating with the flow of the universe.
6. Know that the world "out there" reflects your reality "in here." The people you react to most strongly, whether you love or hate, are projections of your inner world. What you most hate is what you most deny in yourself. What you most love is what you most wish for in yourself. Use the mirror of relationships to guide your evolution. The goal is total self-knowledge. When you achieve that, what you most want will automatically be there, and what you most dislike will disappear.
7. Shed the burden of judgment and you will feel much lighter. Judgment imposes right and wrong on situations that just are. Everything can be understood and forgiven, but when you judge, you cut off understanding and shut down the process of learning to love. In judging others, you reflect your lack of self-acceptance. Remember that every person you forgive adds to your self-love.
8. Don't contaminate your body with toxins, either through food, drink, or toxic emotions. Your body is more than a life-support system. It is the vehicle that will carry you on the journey of your evolution. The health of every cell directly contributes to your state of well-being, because every cell is a point of awareness within the field of awareness that is you.
9. Replace fear-motivated behavior with love-motivated behavior. Fear is the product of memory, which dwells in the past. Remembering what hurt us before, we direct our energies toward making certain that an old hurt will not repeat itself. But trying to impose the past on the present will never wipe out the threat of being hurt. That happens only when you find the security of your own being, which is love. Motivated by the truth inside you, you can face any threat because your inner strength is invulnerable to fear.
10. Understand that the physical world is just a mirror of a deeper intelligence. Intelligence is the invisible organizer of all matter and energy, and since a portion of this intelligence resides in you, you share in the organizing power of the cosmos. Because you are inseparably linked to everything, you cannot afford to foul the planet's air and water. But at a deeper level, you cannot afford to live with a toxic mind, because every thought makes an impression on the whole field of intelligence. Living in balance and purity is the highest good for you and the Earth.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
ZEITGEIST - The most essential film of all time.
If there was just ONE movie that I had to recommend for todays US citizen, or any earth dweller for that matter, this movie would be it. It's roughly 2 hours and starts of kinda slow and artsy but it quickly becomes riveting and educational beyond description. Take the time, when you can, and SEE THIS. Regardless of where you stand on religion and politics, this is a MUST SEE.
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